


Lost in Love (Mini Hiatus)

by Centa0592



Series: Darkness [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Dark Harry, Drama, Drinking, Established Relationship, Exhibitionism, Guilt, Gun Violence, Harry doesn't do hurt feelings well, I'll tag more as the story develops, Jealous Harry, Jealous Louis, Kinks, Larry is working on their relationship, Lilo friendship, Lirry drama, M/M, Mentions of Prostitution, Older Harry, Possessive Harry, Shit, Violence, Younger Louis, club owner Harry, club owner Louis, club scene, drug usage, kind of, learning to love yourself, not so innocent Louis, so much happens I can't tag it all, zarry friendship - Freeform, zouis beef
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-04-25
Packaged: 2018-05-30 13:54:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6426505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Centa0592/pseuds/Centa0592
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis used to see the world through rose colored glasses, but not anymore. Now he's stumbled into the dark world involving Harry, violence, drama, sex, and he can't seem to get out; not that he wants to. What Louis wants now is to find himself, but the longer he looks, the more he's realizing he doesn't recognize the person staring back at him. </p><p>or </p><p>The Darkness Sequel that needed to be written.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Death Welcomes All

**Author's Note:**

> Hello,
> 
> This is the sequel to Darkness. You should definitely read Darkness before reading this. I hope you enjoy.

Tears are already streaming down his face as he walks. He wants to run, wants his legs to move faster but his body feels too heavy; like he’s weighed down by some invisible anchor. He can hear screams surrounding him but they seem faint, like when someone tries to talk to you while you’re underwater-drowning. That’s what Louis feels like as he walks; like he’s drowning.

 

It wasn’t supposed to end like this. It wasn’t supposed to end with fire, tears, pain, and death. Louis can smell the smoke engulfing the air, as it pours from the car. The screams get louder the closer he gets to the source of the noise, before there’s silence. Louis stops in his tracks and a sob escapes his lips as the world slows down and freezes around him. He feels arms taking hold of his body as he tries desperately to get to the body that is now silent. He kicks as he’s carried away and the only thing he can do is utter out one single name…

 

Two days before:

 

Louis giggles and rolls off of Harry. He’s sweaty, tired, naked, and completely sated. He and Harry decided to have a marathon of sex and now Louis can barely move. Harry takes this opportunity to roll right on top of the smaller lad—thus pinning him down to the bed. Louis giggles into Harry’s neck and stays there—enjoying the scent of the other man.

 

Harry hums in contempt and closes his eyes. He takes a hand and absentmindedly strokes Louis’ lower back. He’s happy, he feels happy and as he takes another deep sigh he allows himself to smile.

 

“Mmphf.” Louis groans and begins poking Harry’s pecks.

 

“’M hot.” Louis protests, and yeah Harry is also but he didn’t want to be the first to move. Looks like he’s going to have to or else he’ll just continue to smother the younger lad.

 

Louis sighs in relief and as reaches over to turn his fan on, he hears a noise. He freezes, leans forward, and squints his eyes to concentrate on the phantom sound. Harry sees Louis’ expression and sits up immediately—already on edge.

 

“What’s wrong?” Harry questions as he goes to stand up. His long, and naked, torso strides towards the bedroom door, opening it wide and fast.

 

“I thought I heard a noise.” Louis admits and Harry frowns as he tells Louis to stay right there so he can go check it out.

 

Harry walks through the familiar flat, completely starker’s, as he heads towards the front door. He hears the door jiggle and immediately goes to grab the nearest weapon he sees—a lamp. He picks the lamp up, unplugging it as he yanks it, and opens the door.

 

Harry has his arm raised and is about to swing just as his eyes meets a familiar set—Josh. Josh is standing in the door way with a key in his hand and a pale face. He looks up at Harry and takes a few steps back, out of instinct. Harry feels like hitting Josh in the face with the lamp, (mainly because he just _really_ hates Josh and causing the bloke pain would bring him pleasure), even though he now knows Josh isn’t a burglar.

 

“Hi.” Josh simply says and he’s avoiding looking at Harry completely. Harry looks down and remembers he’s naked. He takes a step back and allows Josh into the home, but not without following the other lad around—lamp still in hand.

 

“Hazza what’s going on??” Louis calls from the bedroom and Harry can tell the smaller boy is already walking out of the room to investigate. Louis stops walking as he sees Josh, with a box, and Harry, with a lamp. His mouth forms an ‘O’ and he furrows his brows in confusion.

 

“What is going on?” Louis questions the lamp and Harry _reluctantly_ places in on the counter before coughing into his hand and blinking. Louis must suddenly realize that the two of them are naked because his cheeks turn a crimson red and then scurries off towards the bedroom.

 

Harry looks at his own naked form, again, and simply shrugs. He has nothing to be ashamed of and if Josh is going to simply walk into their home then he’ll have to deal with it.

 

Josh seems to be frozen, the box in his hand unmoving. He looks at Harry and back towards his box as if awaiting permission. Harry just keeps staring at him, hoping to make the intruder feel unwelcomed. This is no longer Stan’s home; thus Josh is no longer welcomed either.

 

“Harry, stop making that face.” Louis chastises as he walks back out. He’s now wearing a pair of Harry’s joggers that are simply _way_ too large for him and Harry wants to coo at the sight, and fuck Louis on the table. “What are you doing here Josh?” Louis then asks, completely ignorant to Harry’s inner turmoil.

 

“Does he have to be naked?” Josh blurts out, while looking to Louis. Louis notices Harry’s cock thickening and blushes before hiding a smirk behind his face.

 

“Don’t worry about him.” Louis dismisses Harry’s nudity with the waving of his hand. “But seriously, what’s with the box?” Louis presses on. “Why are you here? It’s been what five months?”

 

“Umm, Stan wanted me to get the rest of his things. Said there were some clothes he really needed and couldn’t find.” Josh says solemnly and the atmosphere comes to a halt the moment the words are said; Louis’ face crumbling.

 

Harry’s eyes harden while Josh’s widen. Josh looks to Harry and rushes to Stan’s old room—out of fear that Harry might hurt him if he stays around any longer.

 

Harry takes a few deep breathes and then goes to Louis, putting strong arms around his boyfriend.

 

Stan and Louis have never been the same since that night six months ago. Stan is still angry with Louis about choosing Harry over him; over what Stan thinks was the right thing to do. Stan was so angry that he decided to move out, not wanting to be a ‘protector’ for Louis any longer, claiming there was nothing left to protect. Louis was heartbroken and leaned on Harry more than ever, which only fueled Harry’s guilt.

 

Harry’s been trying to make up for everything ever sense. He wants to be good for Louis, he wants to deserve the boy. Still, every time Harry thinks he, and Louis, are moving on from past mistakes, things always seem to act as a reminder that things aren’t okay.

 

“I can’t believe he didn’t come himself.” Louis seethes, suddenly filled with anger. He and Stan have been mates since the end of time. Hell, Harry has done some horrific things and yet his mates still stand by him; that’s what best mates do. They don’t just leave, and abandon you when they feel as if you’ve made a mistake.

 

“There are things in his room?” Josh’s hesitant voice rings through the flat. Louis folds his arms and sneers.

 

“Zayn and Liam have moved in, so his room is no longer his own.” Louis remarks and Josh looks down at the ground. It’s true though. After Stan decided to move out Louis decided to have the lads move in, instead. Niall wanted to move in as well but knew he had to keep his distance from the boys, appearance wise, because of his job.

 

“That’s umm. That’s, yeah.” Josh looks awkward and Louis hopes the boy is. Josh clears his throat and points to the door.

 

“I didn’t find anything so I guess I should go.” He shrugs and Harry gestures for the man to leave. Josh looks to Louis and then blinks his goodbye—walking out the same door he just came through.

 

Louis sighs and sags his shoulders. Harry comes up to him and looks concerned, worried that Louis is either really upset, or feels hatred for sticking by Harry’s side. Truthfully, choosing Harry has been the greatest decision yet. He always worried that he would get caught up in all that is Harry but so far he’s been able to remain himself—whatever that means.

 

Harry vibrates and hugs Louis from behind, secretly rubbing one off on Louis’ arse. The boy in his arms starts squirming, and then laughing—pushing Harry back slightly.

 

“Such a shit.” Louis laughs.

 

“I’m still horny.” Harry whispers in Louis’ ear, thus making the boy laugh harder.

 

“We just had sex seven times; that must be some sort of record for someone.” Louis reminds the man. “I hurt in places I shouldn’t.” Louis pouts and Harry sulks in return. They just stare at each other until Harry relents, sagging his shoulders as he does.

 

“Fine, I cave and you win.” Louis smiles and pats Harry on the chest.

 

“Come on then, we’ll sleep it off until we have to go to the club tonight.” Louis proclaims. “And if you manage to behave, I’ll let you rim me before we go.” Harry squints his eyes, not sure how Louis getting pleasure is a deal for no sex. He agrees though, of course he does. Harry will never pass up the chance to get his _anything_ on Louis’ arse.

 

So sleep is what they do.

 

∞

 

The club is crowded tonight, overly so. Louis is currently sitting on Harry’s lap, in the office that has glass windows so they can overlook the club. Louis smirks as he watches the same guy get rejected by five different girls thus far; whatever the man is saying, it's obviously not working. He continues to watch people dance, flirt, and drink about, all the while Harry and Zayn are making sure all clients are doing what they should be doing. Liam, and Niall haven’t arrived yet.

 

“Babe, do you want a drink?” Harry whispers in his ear. Louis whines and then gets off the man’s lap, patting his leg twice as he does so. He stretches, revealing the lower part of his tummy, and belly ring.

 

“I’ll go get us some drinks from downstairs.” Harry frowns at the back of Louis’ head.

 

“Why?” Harry questions, his confusion obvious. “I can just send for some drinks, or you can get some from the bar up here.” Harry points his thumb to the right, where the bar is in V.I.P. Louis wrinkles his nose and then smirks as he sees the guy fail once again.

 

“There’s a guy downstairs that keeps striking out.” Louis explains. “I want to hear what his pickup line is, and then mock him.” Harry laughs from his chair.

 

“I’ve created a monster.” Louis smirks again and then zips out of the room, and down the stairs leading to the main floor.

 

Now that he’s on the main floor he shuffles through the masses of strange bodies and wiggles his way to the bar. Jeff, the bartender, is all alone tonight and looks flustered, and frustrated as he tries to get everyone’s order in a timely fashion. Louis feels sorry for the man and makes a mental note to tell Harry that they need to hire another bartender for part-time help.

 

He looks around and tries to find 'Strike-Out guy' when he finds another familiar face instead—Stan. Completely shocked, Louis walks on numb legs to the person he used to call best mate. Stan is leaning against a wall, arms folded, and has an uneasy smile on his face as he watches Louis approach.

 

“Stan?” His voice is drowned out by the thumping music. Stan still nods, however, and Louis hesitantly walks closer to the man. A thousand things are running through his mind right now and he has no idea how to filter through his thoughts.

 

He wants to hug the man before him. He wants to punch him for abandoning him, he wants to kiss him for coming back. He wants to strangle him for telling him about what Harry had done, and he wants to never let Stan leave again. He settles for walking up to the lad and pulling the man by the sleeve so they can go into one of the private storage rooms, and talk.

 

Stan goes willingly and now they are staring face to face at each other in a small room.

 

“What?” Louis starts and has to pause before he can finish. “What are you doing here?” He finally gains enough gumption to ask.

 

“I…” Stan stops and looks to the ground. “When you chose Harry over your dad, and me, I was proper gutted Louis. I was both gobsmacked, and gutted, thus I needed time away to think about things.” Stan laughs a little, at himself and the situation.

 

“Granted it took me well over six months to get over the hurt, and would’ve taken me longer if it wasn’t for Josh telling me that the lads had moved into our flat.” Louis opens his mouth but Stan continues. “I know it was my fault for leaving in the first place but knowing you’ve moved on really has me confused. I just need to know what’s going on in your head. How could you still be choosing them over your own family?” Stan looks as hurt, and angry as Louis feels.

 

“God Stan. You’re talking a bunch of rubbish right now mate.” Louis instantly responds with. “It’s not like I had a choice in the matter; nor did I choose anyone over anyone. Do you really think I want to be isolated from me own mum? Do you really think I don’t want me best mate in my life? Harry and the lads are the only ones who stuck around; but don’t take that for all that I want.”

 

“Fine Louis, what do you want?” Stan snarls, already angry at the boy in front of him.

 

 “I want to know why you are being such an arsehole!” Louis sneers right back, temper raising.

 

“You chose him.” Stan shouts, and the sound echoes throughout the small room. “He’s manipulated you, separated you from your family and friends, killed your father and you still chose him.” Stan appears to be in disbelief, as if everything is so black and white. Louis’ life hasn’t been black and white since he arrived to London—since he met Harry. It seems like Stan’s forgotten that just a year ago, Louis was a sheltered little boy who knew nothing about life, or the world. He was a naive virgin who got exposed to some dark things and started to like it. Louis is also the same boy who was afraid to leave the one thing that excited him the most, and he's afraid of being alone.

 

“I was scared.” Louis admits, a little more softly.  “I was scared okay! I also felt alone, lost, and just needed me best mate to be there for me.” Louis continues. “I needed you to guide me. To support me. To be there for me until I figured out I chose wrong, or that I chose right—I don’t know. I don’t know if my choice was right or wrong, or not because you simply left—proper abandoned me, you did. All I had left was to lean on Harry, he was all that I had left. You left me with the person you were afraid of most, the person who killed me own father. How could you do that?”

 

Louis feels himself gaining momentum on his feelings. “Fuck you for abandoning me. Fuck you for coming back into my life thinking you can scold me for making a rash choice, for once. Fuck you Stan.”

 

“Louis, I…” Stan, after feeling properly scolded, tries to say something—anything, but Louis doesn’t let the man continue.

 

“I really don’t want to hear any apologies.” Louis shakes his head. He didn’t realize he was so angry before, but now that it’s all out he feels exhausted. “You didn’t do anything wrong, not really. I brought this on meself. I just really could’ve used you. I needed you as a mate, not someone who just fucked off because you were mad. My dad was a horrible person and it really angered me that you defended him.” Louis explains more softly now—feeling deflated. Stan places a hesitant hand on Louis’ shoulder.

 

“I don’t know what to say.” Stan admits. “There’s a right, and there’s a wrong. I’ve always believed that; which is why I study law and work as an intern for a firm. I also know that family means everything to you, even when they do you wrong. So when you chose Harry, knowing that Harry had your father killed, it made me think that you’re not the same Louis anymore; I thought you were gone.” Stan explains and Louis nods, understanding.

 

“I chose Harry because I love him.” Louis states. “I love him because he makes me feel things I’ve never experienced before. He woke me up from this slumber of life, and I love that. I love that he cares about me enough to do anything for me, no questions asked. He loves me more than himself, and that’s something I’ve yearned for my entire life. Can’t you see that?” Louis is desperate for Stan to understand.

 

“I think that you have daddy issues, and because you never got love, or acceptance, from your father you ran into the arms of the first man who did show you love. That’s the making of an unhealthy relationship Louis. Do you really love Harry for him, or do you love him because he provided you with things you never had?” Louis takes a step back like he’s just been slapped. He doesn’t know how to answer the question, because he just doesn’t know.

 

“I’m not dealing with this.” Louis doesn’t stop when Stan calls his name, he just rushes out of the room. His head is spinning and he feels sick. Does he really love Harry for him, or does he love Harry out of convenience? Is there a difference? No, the answer is no—there is no difference. It doesn’t matter why Louis loves Harry; all that matters is that he does. That’s more than enough for now.

 

He keeps walking until he’s back in the office—feeling dazed. He looks up and sees Liam standing with his legs spread apart, and arms over his chest. There’s a stern look on his face and Harry’s frowning hard. Harry’s face relaxes a bit upon seeing Louis enter the room. Louis walks in tentatively and silently asks Harry what’s going on.

 

“What happened to the drinks?” Harry tilts his head to ask. Louis looks down at his empty hands.

 

“Ran into Stan, long story.” Louis waves off Harry’s concern. “What’s wrong Liam?” Louis turns to ask, desperately trying to get the topic changed.

 

“I got word, from one of my bouncers, that Paul wants Louis dead.” Louis’ mouth drops open and he feels frozen, and numb. This just isn’t his night. “Apparently my mate overheard a few people discussing it while in line to get into the club. He took a picture of their ID’s and gave them to me.”

 

“Why the hell would Paul want to kill Louis?” Niall fires off.

 

“Because two of his men are dead, I assume, and I’m guessing he thinks this is all Louis’ fault.” Louis feels like pouting. How the fuck is this his fault?

 

“I’ll kill Paul. He was a good mate of mine, but this has gone too far. I’ll fucking kill him.” Harry decides. The man is beyond anger, he’s so angry that he’s calm. It’s a scary sight.

 

“I agree; Paul needs to die if he tries to hurt Louis.” Zayn nods.

 

“I want to go kill him now, but Louis this is your choice. This is your life, and it’s your decision. I don’t want to take control away from you.” Harry turns to stare. Louis is a little shocked right now that Harry is leaving the decision in his hands.

 

“Thank you.” Louis says softly. “I don’t want Paul dead, not yet. You were mates with him, and business partners. This is only happening because I was stupid enough to offer myself to him when I should have kept quiet. If I feel threatned, then do what you must.” Harry’s lip twitches but he nods. This decision is up to Louis and he’ll honor it.

 

“I promise; I won’t harm him until you tell me to.” Louis nods and knows this is Harry’s way of trying to gain back Louis’ trust. He appreciates it more than words can say.

 

“Thank you Hazza.” Harry smiles and then leans over to kiss the top of Louis’ head.

 

“I don’t want to tell you what to do but will you please stay with Liam while I make some phone calls?” Harry asks and Louis smiles as he nods. Harry nods to Zayn and then walks out of the office, and down to the main floor.

 

He heads to a quiet corner, by the loo, and calls Aiden. He tells Aiden the situation and asks the man to keep an eye, and ear, out for anything related to Paul and Louis. Aiden promises he will, and Harry sighs—feeling a little bit better. Just as he’s about to head back upstairs he catches sight of a frowning Stan.

 

Harry remembers Louis mentioning Stan and he decides to warn the man; for Louis’ sake. He grabs the back of Stan’s elbow and watches as he flinches before turning around. A scowl is placed on the man’s face and Harry sighs as he nods for Stan to follow him to the corner by the loo. Stan follows and Harry leans against the wall before talking.

 

“I want to start by saying I know you and Louis just talked.” Harry rattles off. “I don’t know about what, and it’s none of my business. I do want to tell you to back off though.” Stan scoffs.

 

“Of course you do.” Harry shakes his head.

 

“We just got word that someone wants to kill Louis.” Harry is cut off.

 

“Then call the cops.” Stan shouts.

 

“It’s not that simple. If this guy gets investigated, then I get investigated and a lot of people lose their jobs as a result. I can’t have that happen, besides this guy wouldn’t stay in prison long anyways.” Harry explains.

 

“Anyways, that’s not the point.” Harry waves his hand. “The point is that I need for you to stay away from Louis, because Louis loves you. He loves you and if you get hurt because you’re too close to him then it’ll destroy him. I know you love him, and want to protect him but let me protect him. Please? I can keep Louis safe until he’s no longer in danger.” Stan seems to mull it over as he laughs.

 

“How can you keep Louis safe when he’s in this mess because of you?” Harry’s face hardens.

 

“I would rather die than let anything happen to him.” Harry states.

 

“Well I’m glad we agree on something; I’d rather you die also.” Harry resists the urge to punch Stan in the face.

 

“I don’t care if you make voodoo dolls of me for fun. This is about Louis and what’s best for him. After Paul is dealt with, the two of you can bake scones and make up; until then please stay away.” Stan starts to breathe hard before he reluctantly nods and agrees.

 

“If something happens to Louis, I’ll make sure you go to jail.” Harry nods his head. If something happens to Louis, Harry’s sure he’ll destroy himself. Stan walks away and Harry runs hands through his hair. Keeping Louis safe is his only concern right now. 

 

∞

 

Louis would like to have said that things looked up after the night at the club, but he would be lying by saying so. Shit hits the fan immediately after leaving the club. They’re driving past an intersection, after waiting long enough for the club to be empty so they could lock up, when it happens. One second Louis is laughing at something Harry said, pinching his love handle, and the next thing he knows a SUV is T-boning them—making them spin at least five times before stopping.

 

Louis’ dizzy, he can barely keep his eyes open but from what he can see everyone is okay. Harry is patting him down, looking worrieds and Liam is holding his head—probably due to the airbag hitting him since he’s driving. Zayn and Niall appear to be looking out the window, trying to see what’s going on while Louis is just glad to be alive.

 

“Shit.” Zayn murmurs and then the man is unbuckling and jumping out of the car. Louis leans forward and sees Zayn punching a large man, square in the jaw. Niall is now out of the car as well, bat in hand and is running up to another man who’s just gotten out of the SUV that hit them. Harry looks torn between wanting to say, and wanting to protect Louis.

 

“H, stay with him. We got this.” Liam is now getting out the vehicle as well, throwing his shirt off as he goes and attacks a man. Louis can’t see Paul and he doesn’t like that.

 

“Where’s Paul? If there’s a hit on me, where’s Paul?” Louis questions frantically and a part of him curses because he should have let Harry handle things his way. None of this would be happening now if he had.

 

“I don’t know Louis. I’m not leaving you to go and see.” Harry decides, but the man is on high alert. Every fiber is begging him to kill everyone here but he remains seated, wrapping his arms around the boy in question.

 

Louis is shaking and that’s when he notices a second SUV pulling up. The SUV stops and Paul gets out, gun in hand. Louis grips Harry’s thigh tightly and opens his mouth when a white sports car pulls up and slams right into Paul’s SUV; thus knocking the man off balance and giving the lads enough time to get out of line of shot.

 

Paul looks furious and he points his gun to the white car in question. He fires off three rapid shots, one making the engine smoke up, one knocking out a window, and the last one hitting something to make the car start to catch fire. Louis’ mouth opens, hands to it, and he gasps. The car goes in reverse before it speeds towards Paul, who keeps shooting instead of moving. Paul dodges the car at the last second, but his leg get caught under the wheel.

 

Paul screams out in pain and the gun flies out of his hand.

 

“Stay here.” Harry pleads as he jumps out of the vehicle and rushes to pick up the gun. He points it at Paul and empties the clip. Harry’s eyes are wild and he keeps clicking the handle on the gun, wishing it had more bullets.

 

He has his back to the scene behind him, but after he hears Louis’ piercing screem—calling out Stan; he turns around and sees Zayn holding Louis by the waist. He turns wide eyes to the car, that’s on fire, and notices Stan struggling to get out of the smoking car that’s bound to explode at any moment.

 

Harry doesn’t even think. He can’t let Louis watch someone else die—not because of him. Stan must have been following them—making sure Louis was okay after learning about a possible death threat. He rushes towards the car, ignoring Louis crying out his name, and tries to open the door when there’s a clicking sound.

 

He startles at the noise but then everything goes in slow motion as the fire spreads, from the boot to the front of the car. There’s a wave of hot air that hits him square in the chest and he flies back; landing on the ground hard enough that he hears something pop and crack. His head bangs against the road as well, and he tries to keep his eyes open but they refuse to obey him. The last thing he remembers is whispering out a name.

 

“Louis.” Darkness overcomes him.

 

∞

 

Louis holds onto Harry’s hand tightly. The Doctor’s said that since Harry has no burns he won’t be needed in the ICU, and therefore Louis can stay with the man past visiting hours. He feels numb right now. He just watched his best mate save his life and die, all in the matter of seconds. He watched as his boyfriend almost died trying to save the life of something he didn’t even like, all for Louis. So yes, Louis feels numb.

 

He’s not sure how he’s supposed to feel right now. He’s not sure if he’s even processing what just happened. Paul almost killed him tonight. Harry almost died tonight. Zayn, Niall, and Liam, could have all died tonight. Stan did die tonight. Stan’s parents are going to have to identify the body; unless Louis does it. Stan’s parents are going to have bury their son, all because their son was trying to protect Louis.

 

That was always Stan’s role; a protector. Louis feels like shit for leaving things the way he did. He feels gutted, numb, dazed, traumatized, and you name it. He doesn’t know how he’s breathing right now, all he knows is that he has to call Stan’s parents, even though Niall did that already, and he knows that he has to leave. He can’t stay in London, not like this—and not right now.

 

He needs to make sure Stan’s parents are okay. He needs to help them cope, and mourn their loss. He needs to make things better with his own family, and he needs to distance himself from Harry. He can’t mourn here, and he needs to mourn. He needs to allow his guilt to consume him, and he can’t do that here—Harry wouldn’t allow it.

 

Harry stirs, his grip tightening around Louis’. The man blinks his eyes open and smiles a dopey grin that shows a dimple. Louis leans forward and brushes hair from the man’s face, loving the way Harry leans into the touch.

 

“You hurting?” Harry shakes his head no, and Louis figures it’s due to the morphine being given to the man.

 

“Can you talk? Need water?” Louis reaches over for water, putting a straw in a cup. He leans back and Harry is already sitting up—mouth waiting for the liquid. Louis lets Harry drink a few gulps before taking the water away.

 

“How long has it been?” Harry wonders, his voice hoarse.

 

“About an hour. Doctor said you just got a bit bruised up and gave yourself a concussion when you hit your head.” Harry bustles and sits up some more.

 

“Did I?” Harry stops his question and Louis lets a sob escape his mouth—tears hurdling down his cheeks.

 

“No.” Louis whispers and Harry closes his eyes, looking away. This is what he was afraid of.

 

“I tried.” Harry sighs and Louis rubs his thumb along the backside of the man’s hand.

 

“I know babe.” Louis doesn’t say anything else because he’s trying to be strong—despite him feeling so broken. “I have to go to Doncaster.” Louis blurts out.

 

“I figured as much. After I get out I can meet you…” Louis shakes his head.

 

“I need to go alone.” Louis whispers and Harry frowns.

 

“You shouldn’t be alone.” Harry explains. “If you’re mad at me then take one of the boys at least.” Louis shakes his head again and touches Harry’s cheek.

 

“I need to go alone because I’m planning on staying a while.” Louis says softly. “I need to make this right with my family, and I need to help Stan’s family mourn as well. I need to look after myself, and get my mind cleared up a bit—and I can’t do that here or with any of you with me.” Harry nods, but his expression is tight and guarded.

 

“How long will you be gone?” Louis shrugs at the question.

 

“I honestly have no clue. However long it takes for me to be semi okay again. I just…” He trails off. “I love you Harry. So much, but people I love keep dying around you.” Harry tries to laugh but chokes up instead.

 

“Are you seriously breaking up with me while I’m in the hospital?” Harry questions in disbelief. Louis’ eyes go wide.

 

“No way Harry. I’m not breaking up, I love you. I just need to focus on me without you for a while, but after that I promise—I promise that I’m coming back.” Harry shakes his head again.

 

“I can’t stop you from doing what you think is best for yourself. You know you better than anyone else.” Harry murmurs. “But to freeze me out when you’re mourning makes me sad, and it hurts me to know you’re doing this now.” Harry admits. “If you want to go, just leave.”

 

“Harry.” Louis cries. “Don’t make this sound so final. I just lost my best mate, I feel guilty, and like shit. I need to do this.” Louis explains. “I can’t talk with you while I’m gone, because I need to focus on me, and I don’t need for you to tell me that everything will be okay. I need to mourn.” Louis tries to defend.

 

“I get that. I won’t be selfish and I’ll let you go.” Harry turns his head away from Louis and refuses to make eye contact with the boy. He’s hurt, but he gets it. This is something Louis needs to do for himself; and when Louis is done mourning Harry will be here waiting. This isn’t about Harry right now, this is about Louis and Harry knows this.

 

“I love you.” Louis gets up and whispers once he reaches the door. Harry mumbles his response but it’s not loud enough for Louis to hear and the boy sobs as he leaves the hospital.

 

Harry’s chest hurts and he has a feeling it’s not because of the accident. Louis has just walked away from him, and he can’t help but fear the boy will never come back.


	2. Forgiveness Doesn't Come Easy

Harry is busy punching a punching bag when Zayn walks in—smirk on the man’s face. Zayn sits at the kitchen table and leans back as he watches Harry’s body glide, slide, and move; hitting the bag before him, again and again.

 

“Seeing you like this makes me smile, it’s been a while.” It’s been about six weeks, Harry knows this. He knows he hasn’t been himself since Louis left six weeks ago, but he can’t wait around forever. Harry is still waiting for his boy to return to him, but he needs to keep busy until that time comes. He has to.

 

“Feels good to be back again, at least somewhat.” Harry peels his shirt off and wipes it with his forehead before tossing it onto the counter behind him. He does a few more jabs before peeling away, taking off his black gloves as he goes to sit on Zayn’s lap.

 

“You are a heavy pile of shit.” Zayn complains and Harry leans back and becomes dead weight. Zayn groans and pinches Harry’s sides. “You’re also fucking smelly. Get off me mate.” Zayn tries again and Harry rubs his face all over Zayn’s neck.

 

“Please, you love my stench.” Harry mumbles into Zayn’s neck. “We used to get sweaty together all the time.” Zayn hums and pats Harry’s stomach.

 

“Unless you’re offering sex, I don’t want this kind of sweat.” Harry laughs and peels away—standing and stretching as he smirks at his best mate.

 

“I don’t know Zayn.” Harry lowers his voice. “If Louis doesn’t come back, I’m all yours.” Zayn rolls his eyes but goes to stand as well. Only stopping so he’s nose to nose with Harry. Then he puts his hands on the lads’ hips and nips at the man’s neck.

 

“If you were to ask me right now, I’d take you against the wall.” Zayn whispers and Harry gives him an amused smile.

 

“Or I’d be taking you on this table.” Zayn vibrates, deep in the back of his throat, and taps Harry’s left hip twice before pulling away.

 

“Am I still the only person to have fucked you?” Zayn tries to go for nonchalance as he asks.

 

“I let Louis a few times.” Harry shrugs and Zayn’s nose twitches with disapproval.

 

“You gave up control and he still left?” Harry closes his eyes and begins to walk away. He doesn’t need Zayn to voice his distaste for Louis at the moment.

 

“A relationship is about give and take Zayn. He said he wanted to try being on top so I fucking let him.” Harry defends.

 

“Apparently your relationship is about you giving while he takes.” Zayn scoffs, obviously angered.

 

“Zayn.” Harry warns and the man relents—throwing his hands up in mock defeat.

 

“I’m just saying Harry, it’s nice to see you moving on.” Harry sags his shoulders. Zayn has always been there for Harry, and he knows this has been killing his mate, having to see Harry like this and being able to do nothing about it. It would be killing Harry if the tables were reversed. “I know Louis leaving has been hard, but you shouldn’t become a shell of your former self while you wait for him.”

  
Zayn’s right, of course he is. Harry hasn’t done anything since Louis left; hoping that he would be good enough in his boyfriend’s absence that it would make his boyfriend return faster. Harry laughs at his own stupidity.

 

“You’re so right Zee.” Harry responds. “We should do something tonight. Maybe get Niall and Liam and just go somewhere. Have fun yeah?” Zayn smiles and nods his head.

 

“I think getting back to normal is exactly what you should be doing.” Zayn encourages and Harry goes along with it.

 

∞

 

They’re at a club in Manchester; someplace Aiden’s cousin owns. It’s massive and super exclusive which has Harry smiling from his position in a booth. Zayn is sitting beside him, lighting up a spliff while Niall is busy offering drugs to willing girls. Aiden is sitting on the other side of Harry and is taking shot after shot, and Liam declined the offer to go out—claiming he had some business he needed to handle. Harry shrugged off his mate’s vagueness, and now here he is, vibing to the music with his mates.

 

“Here mate.” Zayn mutters from a mouth full of smoke. Harry takes the offered spliff and inhales softly. He closes his eyes, leans his head back, and then exhales—releasing a puff of smoke into the darkened atmosphere. He leans forward and beckons Zayn closer; the other man leans forward as well, knowing what Harry wants to do.

 

Zayn takes one end of the spliff into his mouth, and then leans forward to grab Harry’s jaw. Harry opens his mouth, tilts his head, and allows the smoke to be blown into his mouth. Harry inhales and then pulls away, shifting his head away so he can exhale. He then gets closer to Zayn, their breaths fanning each other’s cheeks, and he goes back for another shotgun. Zayn blinks and takes the spliff out of his mouth. He runs a hand up and down Harry’s cheek, simply caressing, before he reaches and kisses Harry’s cheek.

 

Harry blinks his surprise, and laughs through the cloud of smoke surrounding his head. He goes and grabs Zayn’s jaw and then kisses the man on the lips. Zayn giggles and pulls away, slapping Harry in the arm as he does so.

 

“Oh no you don’t.” Zayn warns. “I will not be used as a Zayn object while you’re working on things with your ghost of a boyfriend.” Harry frowns, and pouts, wanting Zayn to get him off because he’s tired of using his own hand.

 

“It’s been six weeks of no sex. I haven’t gone that long since I was a virgin.” Harry complains and his voice is drowned out by the music, and noise.

 

“If you can promise me right here, and now, that you won’t regret having sex with me then I’m yours.” Zayn levels Harry with a look that has the man releasing an exaggerated breath.

 

“Fucking fine. Guess I’ll be using my fucking hand again.” Harry grumbles while his mate laughs, and then gets up and heads towards the bar. Aiden bumps shoulders with Harry and hands the man a shot. Harry tosses it back and then grimaces at the burn.

 

“What the fuck did you just give me?” Harry chastises while his mate laughs.

 

“It’s called oil spot.” Aiden explains, unhelpfully, and Harry blanches. It fucking tastes like petrol, that’s for sure. “I’m not really sure what they all put in it.” Harry gives his best ‘bitch face’ to Aiden and the other man simply laughs as he opens a bottle of water.

 

Zayn returns right then and flops down in the booth. His leg rubs against Harry’s and the man leans down in the booth to distract himself. He can’t help but picture Louis on his lap right now, completely naked and bouncing on his cock. He sighs at the situation. He misses Louis, is the thing.

 

Like he genuinely misses the lad. He misses the way the boy laughs, how he tries not to cry at movies, how he pretends like he can cook when actually he just gets Zayn to do it for him. He misses the way Louis feels against his touch, in his arms. More than missing him, Harry is scared for Louis. He wants Louis to be happy, and safe. He wants Louis to feel comfortable in his own skin, and around Harry. Mostly, Harry just wants Louis to be back with Harry. The man is petrified that Louis will never return, and leave Harry as naked and vulnerable as he feels.

 

Harry doesn’t have feelings, and emotions—not like normal people. When he cares, he does it with all his heart because that’s all he knows. There’s no right and wrong with Harry, there just _is._ Louis has exposed something inside of Harry that the man didn’t know existed. Harry felt guilt with Louis, and also compassion—two emotions he never knew he had. So yes, Harry feels exposed by the thought of Louis abandoning him and he prays the boy returns soon.

 

“H, you want a lap dance?” Zayn elbows him to get his attention. Harry blinks back to reality.

 

“Why you offering?” Zayn leans his head back and laughs.

 

“You couldn’t afford me.” Zayn taunts.

 

“But you’re admitting that you can be bought?” His mate merely looks at and then smirks before climbing in Harry’s lap. He rests his arms around Harry’s neck and the both of them laugh when Aiden, and Niall do mock catcalling.

 

“Is this your version of a lap dance or are you about to ride me?” Harry jokes and Zayn grinds his hips back in forth, leaving Harry hard. Harry’s hands grip Zayn’s hips and keeps the man firmly in place.

 

“Have you changed your mind yet?” Harry looks up and bites his bottom lip while Zayn just shakes his head and climbs off. He gives Harry a couple pats on the thigh, and Harry tries to mentally will Zayn’s hand to go a bit higher. Harry doesn't even want to have sex with anyone but Louis, but he's drugged up and horny so Zayn is looking very appealing right now. 

 

“Stop trying to damage your relationship because you’re afraid that Louis doesn’t want you anymore.” Harry looks guarded and lowers his eyes in anger.

 

“That look doesn’t work on me Haz.” Zayn shakes his head. “You want to punch me for telling the truth? Go ahead, but I’ll simply punch you back.” Harry glowers and turns to face away from Zayn. It’s not like he wants to ruin his chances with Louis, because let’s be honest; if Harry sleeps with anybody he and Louis will be no more—the boy would never forgive him.

 

It’s just Harry is horny, and he misses Louis. He’s also _slightly_ terrified that Louis has already met someone else—someone more deserving of the boy. Harry is destructive by nature, but right now he feels like destroying all chances with Louis just so his boyfriend can have a chance at real happiness. Then again, Harry’s entirely too selfish to just let Louis go without a fight. Zayn’s right.

 

“How about this?” Zayn leans over and begins. “If he’s not back in two weeks I’ll blow you.” Harry looks at mate under his lashes and nods.

 

“Oi, you fuckers!” Niall’s loud voice distracts them. “Why the fuck are you two over there lusting after each other?” Niall drops pills in their palms. “Take these you twats.” Harry laughs as he pops the pill and swallows it with Aiden’s water. Zayn takes his own pill and then they both lean back, waiting for the drugs to take over.

 

The rest of the night is spent in a similar fashion. They dance, eventually, and spend the rest of the night drinking and smoking. The longer the night goes on the less fun Harry has, he can’t fight the feeling that something is missing—or rather, someone.

 

∞

 

Harry’s walking shirtless throughout the flat. He stops when he sees Niall and Liam having a heated argument. Confused he walks closer to them.

 

“Lads what’s going on?” Niall steps back and shakes his head at Liam, looking obviously disappointed.

 

“Liam has something he needs to say.” Liam scoffs and holds his head up high, defiant.

 

“No I don’t.” Liam grits out, seething. He turns from Niall to Harry. “I promise Harry, it’s just Niall and I having a disagreement.” Niall laughs in disbelief.

 

“You call what you’re doing a disagreement? You fucking…” Niall cuts himself off and storms out of the flat; slamming the door in his wake. Harry stands, shocked and turns his gaze to Liam.

 

“Niall didn’t even get this mad when he found out I killed Louis’ father. What did you do?” Harry questions and Liam merely shakes his head—expression saddened, and guarded.

 

“I…” Liam starts and then stops. “I want to tell you but I really can’t. I don’t know how Niall found out but please Harry. Not yet, alright?” Harry tilts his head and looks at his mate with concern.

 

“Are you in trouble?” Harry fires off and asks.

 

“No, I’m not in trouble. I’m just helping out someone and Niall doesn’t like it.” Harry nods, satisfied.

 

“Just know that I’m here to like talk, or whatever.” Harry scratches the back of his head, feeling awkward all of a sudden. Liam gives a pained smile and goes to give Harry a hug before walking off into his room. Harry shrugs and goes to the stove to start water for a cup of tea.

 

“What was all that noise?” Harry turns to see Zayn strolling into the kitchen, sleep hair and shirtless. Zayn has a pout on his face and Harry eyes the man before turning back to the stove.

 

“Want a cuppa?” Zayn hums and rests his elbows on the counter, as he bends over and waits for his tea.

 

“Also, you heard Niall and Liam fighting.” Zayn lifts to head to give Harry questioning brows.

 

“What could they possibly fight about?” Harry shrugs, equally as confused.

 

“Your guess is as good as mine.” Harry takes the kettle off the stove. “Liam gave me some half arse lie, so I’m not sure.” Zayn takes the water and puts in a tea bag before adding milk and sugar.

 

“Must be serious if Liam is lying and Niall’s all worked up.” Harry murmurs under his breath and takes a sip of his tea, as he leans back against the counter. He then places the tea down and runs a hand up and down Zayn’s arm.

 

“I was thinking, you and I should move back into my flat.” Zayn speaks suddenly. Harry’s hand stills and he frowns slightly, out of confusion.

 

“Oh, and why is that?” Zayn shrugs so Harry gives him a look.

 

“Fine, I think we should move back because this just doesn’t feel like home.” Zayn explains. “It was fine when Louis was here, but Louis’ not here and neither is Liam most the time. It’s just you and I, and it doesn’t feel right. Doesn’t feel like us.” Zayn gestures between the two of them and Harry gives an airy laugh.

 

“No I get it.” Harry takes Zayn’s hand and plays with the man’s rings. “It’s been you and I for so long and after everything that’s happened, I think it’ll be good for us to go back to our roots.” Harry connects his fingers with Zayn’s. “I’ve been so consumed with everything Louis that I’ve lost sight of myself a bit. We should do it. Move out and when Louis decides to come back, I’ll be waiting.” Zayn smirks and nods and slides up so his chest is touching Harry’s.

 

“Good. It’s decided then.” Zayn whispers. “And just know that whenever you’re ready for me to help you cum, without you feeling guilty, I’ll be there.” Zayn takes his tea and promptly walks away; leaving Harry feeling confused—like he’s missing something staring him right in the face. He doesn’t know what’s going on with Niall, Liam, Zayn, or even Louis; the only thing he knows is that he needs to get his life back in order. He is Harry Styles after all.

 

∞

 

Going home for Stan’s funeral was the most bittersweet feeling of Louis’ entire existence. He flew on the same private plan as the body and cried the whole flight. He was met at the airport by cold shoulders, from Stan’s family, and a crying mum.

 

Stan’s family hasn’t been welcoming of Louis. They blame him for their son dying, and they aren’t wrong. The official narrative is wrong place, wrong time. Niall called it in saying Paul and his men thought Stan was someone else. With Paul gone, his men put all the blame on Paul—claiming he acted alone in killing Stan. Louis told this to Stan’s parents but they still didn’t care, they blamed Louis because if it wasn’t for Louis wanting to go to London, Stan would’ve been back home in Uni.

 

It’s not like they’re wrong. Stan was only where he was because of Louis. Stan was only in London because he had to protect Louis; and he did. He gave his life for Louis’, and Louis didn’t deserve the sacrifice. Guilt has been building within Louis to the point that he feels like he’s going to burst.

 

Guilt is one thing that Louis knows how to feel. Attending the funeral was hard. He stood there with his family, and Stan’s family, and mourned a man who died because of him. He cried as Stan got lowered into the ground, knowing the reason why Stan really died was being buried with him. He went back to his own home and grieved for four weeks. He grieved for an entire month, until there were no tears left to grieve. And then he got up, took a shower, and decided it was time to get his life back together.

 

He sat as his desk and made a list of things he wants to do before he dies—more than a bucket list, but a list of things he’ll accomplish, in no particular order.

 

List of Future Accomplishments:

  * Learn how to cook
  * Get in shape
  * Star in a play
  * Go to auditions for plays
  * Learn how to defend myself
  * Learn how to love myself
  * Be happy



 

The list has lots of room for improvement but so far he’s happy at what he had made. After making the list he went downstairs and decided to have a conversation with his mum. He knew that he would never be able to be happy if he didn’t come clean to the woman who gave him birth. He needed her to know everything.

 

As he sat down on the couch, Jay had a glass of wine and gave him a tiny smile upon seeing him. He smiled back and sighed before taking the bottle of wine and taking a sip of it—for encouragement.

 

“I really need to come clean. And you can’t stop me until I’m done okay?” Jay nodded and Louis sighed once more.

 

“Stan died because of me.” Jay’s eyes grew wide. “I didn’t kill him but I’m sure I could’ve done something to help prevent his death. That guilt has been killing me and I need you to know the truth.” She nodded when he looked up.

 

“Harry managed to piss off this guy name Paul because Paul wanted me sexually, and Harry wouldn’t stand for it. Something happened with Paul and Liam, and you know the end result of that.” Jay swallowed as she remembered hearing of Louis’ almost rape. She reached out and grabbed onto Louis’ hand, squeezing tight with support.

 

“Well apparently this made Paul pissed at me, so pissed in fact he wanted me dead.” Jay’s eyes widened. “Proper put out a hit on me, like Godfather style. The night we found out about Paul, I told Harry not to kill the man until he tried to hurt me. If only I let Harry at Paul sooner none of this would’ve happened.” Louis let a few tears escape as he banged his fist against his thigh.

 

“Well, the same night I had seen Stan at the club. We talked, fought really. I guess he stayed to watch over me, like always, and on the way home a car had hit us—us being me, Harry, Zayn, Liam, and Niall.” Jay nodded again. “Well, a car hit us and the lads were out fighting when I noticed Paul get out of another vehicle with a guy. He was going to kill us but then Stan came and distracted Paul, who decided to fire off shot, after shot, at Stan’s car.” Louis paused.

 

“He hit something because then the car started smoking and sparking. I remember Paul picking the gun up again and Stan hitting the man a little, and Paul dropped the gun and Harry killed him. But then the impact of Stan hitting Paul, with the car, made the spark spread because the next thing I know the car is on fire. Harry rushed to try and get him out but then the car exploded and Harry…” Louis sobbed into his mum’s chest.

 

“The car exploded and Harry flew back. I thought I had lost him and Stan. But Harry was fine, and Stan…Stan died saving my life and I was so mean and selfish to him. I…” Louis just cried and his mum held him for what felt like hours. Jay didn’t speak for the rest of the night and Louis didn’t blame her.

 

The next morning Jay had packed all of Louis’ belongings and for a moment Louis’ heart sank. He was sure she was kicking him out, instead she had a smile on her face.

 

“Honey, I’m so glad you told me the truth. I’m so glad you were honest because I want you to know none of what happened to Stan was your fault.” Louis wanted to protest. “Stan died because he wanted you to live and that Paul guy didn’t care who he hurt. Stan wanted you to live Louis, so that’s what you have to do. Live without any regrets. Live and be happy honey. You owe Stan to live your life for yourself, and for him. I can't have you wallowing here in Doncaster when you belong in London now.” Jay had said and then she kissed Louis on the top of his head.

 

“I also have a secret of my own to share; a few actually.” Louis looked at her confused. “I should probably tell you some stuff about your father. He uh, he wasn’t a good man. He cheated on me, and I found out when a few of his mistresses came to the funeral to pay their respects.” She laughed through a scoff.

 

“He was a liar, and a manipulator and I’ve had to clean up the company.” Louis shook his head in bewilderment. “I’m telling you this so you don’t have any regrets about anything. Harry told me he had your father killed.” Louis’ mouth opened and his eyes widen. Harry never told him.

 

“I think that’s why I was so mad at you at first, because you never told me the truth. But, I’m glad he’s gone and out of our lives. He was hurting you, and the girls. He was an awful man and I was too weak to do anything about it.” Louis was shocked. “So just know that you don’t have to feel regret about him either. I want you to be happy Louis—completely so.” Louis wanted the same thing, so badly it hurt. He remembers hugging his mum and getting on a flight to London the same day—luggage in tow.

 

At first he was going to surprise the lads with his return but instead he found himself checking into a hotel. This was his chance to start over anew. It was his chance to find himself again, and learn how to love and accept himself so he’ll never get lost in another person again—mainly Harry. Harry is consuming that it’s easy for Louis to lose himself in the man, but this time will be different—he’ll be different.

 

So here he is, two weeks being in the same city as Harry and still not talking to the man. He’s not ignoring Harry because he wants to—it’s the exact opposite. He’s avoiding contact because he needs to be sure that he loves Harry for Harry, and not because he’s seeking comfort that he felt he’s been denied by his own father. He can’t be in a toxic relationship, and to prevent this from happening Louis needs to make some self-changes.

 

One of the major changes in his life, so far, has been his eating. He’s eating more fruits, vegetables, and less sugars. He hasn’t had a single crisp or chip since he’s been back to London. Also, he’s started working out with Liam. That’s right Liam Payne.

 

He called Liam as soon as he arrived in London, because if there’s one person who respects Louis’ decision of self-discovery it’s Liam. Liam still regrets not doing enough to deter Louis from Harry’s path in the first place. Needless to say, when Louis called the man he was more than willing to help Louis do anything the boy wanted, without letting Harry know.

 

Liam’s being helping Louis work out at the gym on campus, that he works at. Louis goes in every morning around nine and Liam trains him. Two weeks ago Louis couldn’t even do a mile on the treadmill without wanting to die. But now? Well now Louis can walk/jog a mile with very little problems. It’s been a slow progress, but progress none the less. He finds himself having more natural energy, and he enjoys it. He’s happy.

 

Right now he’s sipping tea while watching music videos on Youtube. Liam’s sitting on the bed eating a burger while talking about what everyone’s been up to.

 

“So Harry and Zayn moved out today.” Louis whips his head around and sees Liam swallowing.

 

“What?” Louis’ heart beat increases.

 

“Apparently it was Zayn’s idea.” Louis wants to roll his eyes—of course. Liam has been telling Louis all about Zayn and Harry getting ‘closer’ lately. It irritates him to no end.

 

“Of course it was.” He sneers.

 

“Yeah, so like they left this morning. Said they were just going to stay there for a while.” Liam shrugs and takes another bite of his burger and Louis mumbles curses under his breath.

 

“Maybe I should just show up and…” Liam, mouthful of food, waves Louis off.

 

“No. Absolutely not.” Liam chastises. “There are still things you want to do for yourself correct?” Louis nods. “Then you stay here and look after you. You want to know if you really love Harry or not? Then trust that when you’re ready to see the man he’ll be there. If he’s not, then you move on. At least then your life won’t be ruined.” Louis sighs.

 

“Do you really hate Harry this much? I thought you were good with your family again.” Liam shrugs and lays back on the bed; food finished.

 

“He took so much of my life.” Liam admits. “I have more regrets then I can name and it’s all because of him. He’s worse than a drug, he’s like a disease or a plague. He just attacks little by little until he’s consumed you completely; leaving a shell of your former self in his wake.” Louis shudders at the example.

 

“Like, I love Harry. He’s incredible to be around and so damn persuasive but there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wish I never met him.” Louis frowns and thinks about what his life would be like if he never met Harry. He would still have a father that hates him, would probably be working for a company he despises, with a man he doesn’t like. But then again, Stan would be alive.

 

“Do you think Harry ruined my life?” Louis questions quietly. Liam sits up and stares at the boy.

 

“I can’t answer that question Lou, only you can.” Louis looks down and thinks about it. He doesn’t feel like his life is ruined, he feels like it’s only the beginning; feels like his eyes are finally opening for the first time.

 

“I think he’s exposed me to a lifestyle I never knew existed.” Louis responds tentatively. “But my life isn’t ruined, far from it.” He says with absolution.

 

“Well good.” Liam decides. “But just know that you owe no one anything. This is your life, and you are the only one who gets to live it.” Louis smiles at the advice and goes back to his music videos. Liam’s right. This is his life and he needs to live it for himself and no one else. Starting tomorrow he’s going to reach out to Michael and see if there’s anything he can audition for. Louis is going to take back his life one piece at a time, and then finally he’ll be able to be with Harry again.

 

∞

 

Harry giggles and gets his head pushed from off of Zayn’s shoulder. They are currently cuddled up together on Harry’s bed while smoking spliff’s and blowing bubbles. Harry not sure what kind of weed they’re smoking right now, what he does know is that it’s making him giggle and feel light as a feather.

 

“That bubble was the largest yet.” Harry determines and Zayn laughs as he sticks the wand in the tube and then lifts it out so he can blow another one.

 

“Mate you are so fucking high.” Zayn laughs again. “Get off me, your head is heavy and I feel like you’re crushing my soul.” Harry grumbles and nips at Zayn’s nipple.

 

“’m surprised that you even have one of those.” Harry receives tickles, to his side, in retaliation. He squirms from the unwanted hands and retaliates by jumping on top of Zayn; bubbles long forgotten and knocked onto the floor. Harry pins Zayn’s hands above the man’s head and glowers at his mate.

 

“You cave?” Zayn leans up and for a second Harry freezes, afraid Zayn was going to kiss him. Instead Zayn jams his head straight onto Harry’s forehead causing the elder to groan his displeasure of the pain.

 

“You tit. Absolute wanker.” Harry complains and gets off Zayn, groaning as he bends down to pick up the bubbles. “I have a headache now.”

 

“That’s what you get for trying to make me submit.” Zayn retorts even though he’s rocking a wicked headache of his own now.

 

“Yeah well, won’t make that mistake twice.” Harry grumbles as he starts blowing more bubbles. They stay like that for a few moments before Harry decides to speak again.

 

“We should do a road trip.” Zayn hums and starts on another spliff.

 

“Where would we go?” Zayn finally decides to entertain the curly haired fellow.

 

“Hmm, anywhere we want I reckon.” Harry states back and then leans up to watch the bubbles float away before popping.

 

“Who would come with us?” Harry shrugs and blow another bubble.

 

“Just you and me, I guess.” Zayn turns to look at him, giving a curious expression. “Niall can’t really take off right now, not with him making detective and all. Then there’s Liam.” Harry stops talking and Zayn gets it.

 

“Liam has been keeping secrets from us, one big enough to upset Niall.” Harry nods because he’s pleased that Zayn understands.

 

“Well okay then. You and I will go on a road trip” Harry smiles his approval and goes back to blowing bubbles. A road trip sounds like just the thing to escape his thoughts of Louis.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be on the 22nd of April. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter, more to come. Leave a comment on what you thought of it, please.


	3. Starting New

Louis’ panting as he finishes up his jog around the block. He and Liam left around six in the morning, despite Louis’ protest. It’s now seven and he’s tired, hungry, and exhausted. They continue jogging into the hotel, and only stop now that they’re in the elevator. Louis feels like kissing the tiled floor. It takes no time for them to reach Louis’ room, and while Liam heads to the kitchen, Louis falls face first onto the bed.

 

“My thighs hurt, my dick hurts, my arse hurts, my toes hurt.” Louis’ complaints are muffled by the duvet. He pushes himself up, merely so he can collapse onto his back instead. He covers his eyes with the crease of him arm, and groans. “Why must we run so early? I liked it better when we only did the treadmill at the gym.”

 

Louis can practically _feel_ Liam smirking.

 

“I thought you might enjoy the surprise.” Liam chuckles, he fucking chuckles like the idea of Louis dying is so funny. “Truth is, I don’t work today and since we have no risk of running into Harry or Zayn, I thought we could go jogging outside for once. See how you’re progressing.”

 

Louis opens his mouth to tell Liam how much of a dickhead he is, but then he closes his lips to frown. He replays what Liam just said, over and over again, and then furrows his brows. Harry and Zayn are gone?

 

“What do you mean there’s no risk of Harry and Zayn?” That’s the whole reason why Louis’ been on a sort of lockdown these past few weeks. Liam feared Harry would get word of Louis’ presence if the boy just went out, and about, in London.

 

“Well, I’m not sure how to tell you this.” Louis already dreads the worst as Liam comes into the bedroom with a protein shake—handing it to Louis.

 

“Just rip the band aid off Li.” Louis whispers into his drink.

 

“Okay.” Liam sits down and takes a few sips. God, he’s so dramatic. “I heard from Niall, who’s very angry with me still, that Harry wanted to get away for a while. So he and Zayn packed up, and took off without saying where they were going, or for how long. They’ve been gone since yesterday.” Louis laughs through a scoff.

 

He knows Harry and Zayn have been getting closer, he can tell just by the way Liam leaves out certain details. He doesn’t regret not telling Harry that he’s back, because this has been great for Louis, but he does fear the worse. He’s petrified that Harry won’t want to wait for him, that the man is going to do something unforgiveable like fuck Zayn, and Louis will be left destroyed. Then again, this is why Louis needs to be on his own for right now.

 

He doesn’t want to be destroyed by a relationship, or even a breakup. He wants to love himself enough, and be sure of himself enough, to know that he can be alone. He needs to be able to find worth in himself before he can think about loving anything else; because if he doesn’t? Then he risks losing himself in Harry, and he can’t let that happen—not again.

 

“I need you to be honest with me Li.” Louis puts his drink on the ground. “On a scale of 1 to 10, how close am I to losing Harry?” Liam’s silence is vocal enough for Louis to get the hint.

 

“Don’t get me wrong, I won’t say you’ll ever lose Harry but…” Liam pauses and Louis pauses as well. “I heard that at the club, the other night, they were very tactile with each other. Harry in particular was all over Zayn, but the man kept laughing it off. At one point Zayn straddled Harry’s lap and I think kissed him? Not like a snog, but a teasing type thing; I don’t know.” Louis blinks slowly and takes a few deeps breaths.

 

“Are they?” He doesn’t even want to ask the question. His heart hurts right now at the thought.

 

“No. God no.” Liam shakes his head and Louis feels an ounce better. “I think Harry is horny and Zayn’s trying to keep the man from making any regrets. They might talk about fucking each other but Zayn would never do anything that he thinks Harry will regret later. Zayn cares way too much about Harry for that.” Liam states with affirmation and Louis sighs in relief.

 

“That’s good.” He mutters and gives Liam a small smile. “I think after I get my first audition I’ll go see Harry and explain everything. Harry deserves to know that I’m in town, and he deserves to know why I decided to keep this from him. I just hope he doesn’t hate me afterwards.” Louis frowns and Liam pats him on the back.

 

“Louis, even if Harry does hate you it’ll be okay. You need to focus on yourself, and your own happiness.” Louis nods leans down so he’s resting his head on Liam’s lap.

 

“I just don’t want Harry to stop loving me.” Louis murmurs. “At the end of the day, loving Harry will still be one of the greatest things I’ll ever do. He’s perfect for me, and I don’t want to give that up—not without a fight.” Liam doesn’t respond, he just hums and plays with Louis’ hair. Louis doesn’t know how things are going to end up, but what he does know is that he doesn’t want to stop being with Harry. Even after everything Harry has done, the man has shown, and proven that he’s willing to be all in for Louis. Now it’s Louis’ turn to figure out how to be all in for Harry—while not losing himself.

 

∞

 

Louis walks into Michael’s familiar flat. Michael follows him to the couch and offers Louis a drink, which he declines. Everything is the same, since last time Louis step foot in the place, the only thing different is Michael’s hair—or lack thereof. The crazy lad has cut off all his hair, and in its place is a short buzz cut.

 

“It’s good to see you Louis, despite all that’s happened.” Louis nods and knows the feeling.

 

“How are you coping with Stan?” Michael questions tentatively.

 

“I’m taking it one day at a time, others are harder than most.” Michael nods and begins to play with a few of his rings.

 

“I can’t even begin to understand what you must be going through, I’ve never lost anyone real close before.” Michael starts. “Lost me nan about a year ago but I barely knew her.” Louis nods and smiles at Michael trying. “Have you seen Josh since?” Louis shakes his head no.

 

Josh never went to the funeral and Louis never reached out; too lost in his own world of hurt and torment.

 

“The man is in pretty bad shape I think.” Michael lets Louis know and a pang of guilt fills his stomach. “He blames it all on himself, says he’s the one who told Stan to follow you that night. Just to make sure you were okay.” Louis whips his head up and stares at Michael with wide eyes. The fellow lad nods solemnly.

 

“Stan saved my life. He died so I could live.” Louis repeats like a mantra. “If Stan never showed up I would be dead, and so would a lot of other people. Next time you talk to Josh let him know that Stan was a hero and that no one could’ve predicted what happened that night. He shouldn’t let his guilt consume him.” Michael leans over and squeezes Louis’ shoulder.

 

“Is that something you’re learning yourself?” Louis laughs a bit as he nods.

 

“I’m hoping that if I keep saying it, I’ll start to believe it.” Michael just stares before giving a quick nod. He then leans back and runs a hand over his face before tilting his head up, towards the ceiling.

 

“I want to do a short film.” Michael changes topics. He’s still talking to the ceiling. “I want to do a short film about a serial killer, who becomes a serial killer due to the life that he’s had. I want to start by him being an adult, and then go through his life and show how society shapes and molds people. Can turn them into angels, or devils.” Louis looks to the boy with amazement.

 

“Sounds incredible.” Louis admits.

 

“I already have it written, I just need to cast for it.” Michael turns his gaze towards Louis. “I think you know firsthand how society can mold a person. Would you like to play the role of the teenaged version of my main character?” Louis’ lips part and he’s trying to find out how true Michael is being right now. He can’t get his hopes up again.

 

“I would love to.” Louis whispers, afraid to ruin the moment.

 

“Good. It’s decided then. You can read, and audition for the role tomorrow if you’d like.” Louis nods because he would like that very much.

 

“Of course, of course. Thank you for the opportunity.” Michael nods and pats Louis on the thigh.

 

“You were really good when you did a read through for my play. I’m sorry that we lied to you but I never would’ve casted you if I thought you were shit. I’m serious about my work, and what I put out into the world.” Louis tears up and goes to speak but finds his throat tight.

 

“That means a lot to hear you say.” He finally admits softly.

 

“Enough of this sadness. We should party, celebrate life.” Louis laughs and goes to stand, along with Michael. Michael goes over to an I DOC and seems to press some playlist on the IPOD. The unknown music blasts through the flat, leaving Louis to sway his hips along with the beat.

 

Michael calls for a pizza, brings out the liquor, and they proceed to party for the rest of the night. Louis feels happy in this moment, and a large part of him feels free.

 

∞

“I’m fucking nervous Li. I can’t do this.” Liam turns Louis around in a circle and then pushes the man to Michael’s flat.

 

“Louis you screamed in my ear all night, and morning, about how you were going to kill this audition. Now get your tatted arse into that flat and show Michael why you should get the role.” Louis rolls his shoulders and hops from one foot to the other. He can do this.

 

He goes into the flat and is immediately welcomed by Michael, who smiles at both him and Liam. Liam stands by the wall while Louis gets a script, and is placed in front of a stand up camera.

 

“Just read your lines that are highlighted and I’ll read the rest.” Michael states. “Right now you are a teenager who is still trying to recover from seeing your father rape and kill your mum. You pretend to be fine but you aren’t and it doesn’t help that you’re starting to develop dark thoughts.” Louis nods and tries to get into the role of his character.

 

“Nathan, there you are.” Michael reads his lines. Louis opens his mouth and responds. They run through lines a few times, while being filmed. The more Louis reads, the more he enjoys the whole thing. He frowns when he should, he forces a smile when he seems it fits, and by the end of the evening he really feels as if he’s Nathan.

 

“You were brilliant.” Liam boasts and Louis puffs his chest out of a bit.

 

“You really were brilliant Louis.” Michael comes from out of a bedroom to say. “I have one more person doing a read through, but I’m secretly rooting for you.” Louis smiles and waves the man off as he and Liam exit the building. He feels pretty good right now.

 

“So is this something you can see yourself doing?” Liam asks and he nods as he gets in the car.

 

“I want this so bad Li.” Louis whispers into the car as they drive back to the hotel, Liam looks over at his friendly and silently replies back with an ‘I know.’

 

They arrive at the hotel soon after and are met with a very upset looking Niall who’s in the lobby. Niall is wearing a suit and has his hair back, blue eyes looking menacing.

 

“Harry called me today.” Niall is speaking calmly as Liam pulls the three of them to a more secluded section of the hotel lobby—trying not to cause a scene.

 

“What did he say?” Liam asks and Niall rolls his head.

 

“Zayn has him convinced that Louis isn’t returning and that he should move on, so he’s decided to go to Amsterdam. He and Zayn won’t be returning anytime soon.” Niall looks to Louis with a frown. “This is your fault I hope you know.” Niall points to Louis who feels like he’s been slapped.

 

“That’s not fair at all Niall.” Liam defends.

 

“But it is.” Niall whispers harshly, tone bitter. “Harry is grasping at straws right now. He feels like he’s failed at being human and wants to go back to old Harry. He doesn’t like hurting, and rather not feel anything at all; and Zayn, ‘the enabler,’ isn’t helping things. _Fuck._ ” Niall starts to pace.

 

“Things were so good with Harry, he was changing. Then Zayn got his hooks into the man and it’s like he’s done a 180. You took too long to come back and instead of letting Harry have hope, Zayn has made the man give up.” Niall shakes his head. “You took too long to let Harry know you still care and now it might be too late. When Harry finds out you’re still back, his wrath is going to be brutal and you won’t get him back. As long as Zayn keeps whispering in his ear, you’ll never get him back.” Niall doesn’t even stay, he simply leaves.

 

Louis turns wet eyes to Liam who pats him on the back.

 

“We’ll make it work, I promise. Give it a couple days and we’ll talk to Harry.” Louis nods in Liam’s chest and allows the man to take him to his room. "Also, don't listen to Niall. You should give Harry an explanation, but you don't control his actions. What he chooses to do is his own fault. He's his own person." He feels exhausted and can’t help but feel stupid at the same time. He should’ve just told Harry he was back, and explained why he needed space. He never should’ve kept the man in the dark, and now all hope might be lost. Harry’s love might be lost.

 

∞

 

“I’m so confused right now.” Harry murmurs behind his weed. “If we are in a coffee shop, why are we smoking pot?” Zayn laughs because he’s high and has been high since they first arrived to Amsterdam.

 

“Just enjoy your weed, man.” Harry frowns but keeps smoking anyways; it’s much easier to smoke than it is for him to dwell on the ending of his first relationship.

 

At first, Harry wanted to get away so he could just clear his mind and stop with all the doubting; but after speaking with Zayn he’s now convinced that the man is right. He’s lost Louis for good, other wise the boy would have said something by now. It’s been almost two months and Harry highly doubts it takes two months to make up with your family.

 

Louis’ probably trying to find a way to let Harry down easy, or maybe the man is just going cold turkey and cutting all ties off with Harry completely. Either way, Harry won’t dwell on Louis any longer—it’s too painful and he doesn’t like pain. He can’t handle feeling sorry, and guilty. He’s never been exposed to these emotions before and it’s too overwhelming; shutting them off is much easier to do. So that’s what he’s going to do, and Zayn is helping him along the way.

 

Zayn really is his best mate, and will do anything to make sure Harry is happy and okay. Harry’s not sure where he would be if he didn’t have Zayn watching his back at every turn. It’s comforting, but not as comforting as this weed.

 

He leans his head back and blows out a large puff of smoke. Watching as it evaporates into the atmosphere. He feels high right now, but even still he’s antsy. He wants to move, do something—anything that doesn’t keep him stationary.

 

“Zee, let’s go to a club.” Zayn squints and finishes smoking before shrugging and standing up. They pay and leave as quickly as they arrived.

 

They catch a car to a row of places that’s supposed to house clubs. The driver doesn’t speak English well and Harry’s Dutch is limited to his phone’s translator. They hop out, pay, and then go to the first place they see. Harry can’t read the name, nor does he care. He merely flashes his passport, and then he and Zayn are entering a small row building.

 

The hallway is purple, long, and covered in _stuff._ He has no idea what the stuff is but it’s gross, and sticky. They keep walking on the wooden floors and then are hit with a cloud of smoke. There’s smoke absolutely everywhere and he feels high all over again. Bodies are pressed together, music is loud, the lights are flashing neon colors, and Harry feels good.

 

Zayn grabs Harry from behind and at first the man stills, before he realizes who it is. Then he allows himself to be guided to the bar where Zayn orders a few drinks. The bar is crowded and it takes longer than Harry cares for, for them to get their alcohol. He’s in a slightly bad mood when the green liquor his throat. It’s not awful, so that’s a plus.

 

“Let’s go by the pool tables.” Harry nods at Zayn’s suggestion and they weave through the crowd to get to the pool tables that are surrounded by more people. There’s a few black leather couches, so Harry sits down on one; Zayn right beside him. They drink and watch people play pool, at some point Zayn finds weed, and now they’re simply smoking, and laughing at nothing.

 

Harry looks up and notices a younger guy blushing the longer he looks at Harry. Harry smirks at the attention and the boy turns away quickly—as if he didn’t think he would get noticed. The boy looks nothing like Louis but his shyness reminds him of the lad, a lot. Zayn looks up and sees what Harry sees, and then smirks as well. He beckons the strange boy over and the kid walks, hesitantly, over to the two of them.

 

He stops in front of Zayn and his pale face turns a crimson red. Zayn leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and smirks up at the kid.

 

“You speak English?” The kid nods and bites on his red bottom lip.

 

“You smoke?” The kid nods again and then Zayn leans back, patting his thigh. The kid seems hesitant, looks over his shoulder, and then back to Zayn before he climbs on the waiting lap. Zayn hums his approval and grips the boy by the hips. He has coal black hair and bright green eyes.

 

“Know how to shotgun?” The kid nods and parts his lips as Zayn leans forward to shotgun. The scene is hot, and Harry finds himself hard just watching. Zayn pulls away as the kid blows out smoke and Harry hums his approval of the scene before him.

 

“What’s your name kid?” The boy blushes as Harry questions him.

 

“Alexander.” Harry nods, and spreads his thighs a bit. This feels like old times, just he and Zayn off somewhere getting high, and fucking random people.

 

“You have a pretty mouth Alexander.” Harry comments smoothly and the boy flushes and ducks his head down.

 

“Are you good with your mouth?” Harry whispers and the boy seems to swallow before nodding his head.

 

“My mate here hasn’t had his cock sucked in so long, would you mind?” Alexander’s eyes widen at the request but he finds himself nodding anyways. Harry hums his approval and Zayn’s legs part in amusement, as he watches Alexander slide down onto his knees.

 

“No one’s watching you right now; it’s okay.” It’s true. The club is so packed, and everyone is so busy, that they aren't paying attention to them at all. Besides, this part of the club is very dark anyways.

 

Alexander looks up, through his lashes, and unbuttons Zayn’s jeans before sliding them down slowly, and then his pants. Zayn’s cock springs free and Harry watches as Alexander takes the whole shaft into his mouth. Zayn’s head leans back and his legs spread open, while Harry watches him grow longer and harder. Alexander apparently has no gag reflex because he continues to swallow Zayn whole; bobbing his head, and swirling his tongue.

 

There’s spit sliding down Zayn’s cock, along with red lips. It’s sloppy, fast, and Zayn reaches down to hold Alexander’s head still as he moves his hips rapidly; probably coming. Zayn’s hips finally stop moving and Alexander is pulling away; wiping his mouth as he does so. Harry smiles at the boy—pleased.

 

“You did such a good job.” The boy bends his head at the compliment and mumbles he has to go clean himself. He stands and rushes off to where Harry assumes is the loo. Harry looks at a dazed Zayn and points to the lad’s exposed prick. Zayn blinks, lazily, and tucks himself in before fastening up his zip.

 

“His mouth H.” Zayn brags and Harry reaches over and pinches the man’s nipple.

 

“How hard are you right now?” Zayn chuckles as he asks. Harry looks down and can see the outline of his own cock that’s straining against his jeans.

 

“Hard enough.” He complains and he has no idea why he didn’t get head from the boy. He’s probably still holding off in hopes of Louis’ return, but god how he wants to have sex. He leans his back and then bangs his head on the couch. Zayn peers over at him and then stands immediately—obviously noticing the change in Harry.

 

“Come on H, let’s get back to the hotel.” Harry nods and goes willingly, but his mood worsens the longer he thinks about his situation. He hates the fact that he wants Louis more than he cares about his own happiness, and life. He’s allowed the boy into his mind, and body, and now Louis has simply left; leaving a confused, and angry, Harry in his wake.

 

He doesn’t want to be this guy. He doesn’t want to be the guy who pines, and misses, old flames. He wants to be the guy who can abandon his family without a single thought. The guy who can kill another without blinking. He wants to be who he was before Louis, because he was happy then—and content. He didn’t have to worry about love, feelings, emotions, or the sort; all he had to worry about was himself and his mates.

 

“Mate come on.” Harry blinks, and listens, as they get in a car to take them to the hotel. The drive is almost twenty minutes, and by the time they pay, and get back to their room, Harry feels exhausted and angry. He begins to pace and Zayn just leans against the wall, allowing his mate to work through things.

 

“What is wrong with me?” Harry questions and Zayn hums.

 

“Nothing mate.” Zayn answers quietly. “You’ve been so worried about Louis; you haven’t had a chance for yourself. Didn’t tonight feel good? Like old times?” Harry nods instantly.

 

“I felt so fucking exhilarated tonight; there were no inhibitions at all. I could just be me without having to think about who I am, or what I’m doing.” Zayn smiles and hums again.

 

“Good. That’s all I want is for you to be happy, and for you to be free.” Harry closes his eyes and boxes Zayn in on the wall. His hands are above the man’s head and his hips are caging his mate in. He takes his nose and runs it up and down Zayn’s neck.

 

“Why didn’t I get head tonight?” Harry whispers into the skin. “I’m Harry Styles. I should be able to take you on this wall right here.” Harry bucks his hips and nips at Zayn’s neck.

 

“Then why don’t you?” Zayn challenges, already knowing the answer. “Go ahead Harry. I give you permission to fuck me.” Harry growls and presses closer, his shoulders tight and laced with tension. “I know how hard you are.”

 

“God.” Harry pants. “I know your body so fucking well. We used to fuck all the time, and I would make you quiver with desire. I would have you begging with want. You’re such a bossy ass bottom. Would fucking yell at me for not going fast enough. I should have punished you.” Harry decides.

 

“If you remember my body so well then why aren’t you fucking me right now? What’s stopping you from taking what you want, like you always do.” Zayn pushes into Harry and the man opens his eyes.

 

Harry leans close but stops. He wants to punch a hole in the wall because he’s fucking angry right now. He’s absolutely livid because Zayn’s right. Harry isn’t being himself. Harry Styles doesn’t ask questions, he simply takes. Harry Styles smiles, flirts, and teases his way through whomever he pleases. Harry is all about business, and enjoying life, and yet? Somehow he’s turned into this angry person who turns into a scared little boy at the thought of his boyfriend leaving him.

 

He doesn’t like being scared Harry. He doesn’t like waiting around for Louis to tell him what’s going on. If Louis truly cared for him still, he would at least send Harry a text to let him know that he’s alive and well. Instead there’s radio silence, and since Louis is the one who left; it’s Louis who needs to be the one to reach out first. This isn’t even Harry being stubborn, this is Harry realizing he has no room for error, and thus can’t fuck up again. That means he has to listen and respect Louis’ wishes, which were radio silence.

 

So here he is waiting patiently for a person who probably doesn’t even care about him. So yeah, he’s angry right now. Even though he's angry, and hard, he still can't find enough strength to fuck Zayn.

 

“I can’t.” He whispers harshly and pulls away. Zayn stays where he is, back against the wall. “What has he done to me?” Harry slides to the ground and pulls on his curls. “I came here so I could leave that new Harry behind. Why am I still acting this way?” Zayn slides down and rests beside his mate.

 

“I wanted you to get away so you could shake Louis off but it seems like you can’t.” Zayn says calmly. “Maybe you should just start by doing things that you enjoy, like fighting? You really like partying as well, and leaving people pinning after you.” Harry huffs a laugh.

 

“Tonight, I really wanted to peel that kid apart and expose him. Ruin him even.” Zayn hums.

 

“Uh huh, and how did that make you feel?” Harry laughs and punches the man in the arm.

 

“Tit.” Harry grumbles. “Honestly though, I felt great. I think if things between Louis and I get better, I’m going to have to do more for me. I can’t give up complete control like this, not if it’s going to end in him tossing that control away.” Zayn nods and rests his head on Harry’s shoulder.

 

“I hate that you feel this way; I’m not a fan of Louis’ at all right now.” Harry hums.

 

“I like that you don’t like Louis because he hurt my feelings.” Harry chuckles. “It’s good to know you’d still pick me even though I gave you a black eye.” Zayn nudges Harry with his shoulder.

 

“I gave you one right back, it’s all good.” Harry looks down and then groans when his phone rings. He picks it up, noticing it’s Aiden calling. He puts the phone on speaker as he answers.

 

“Aiden mate what’s going on?” There’s static on the phone.

 

“H, shit.” Aiden pauses. “My cousin told me a week ago he thought he saw Louis at one of the campus gym’s with Liam. I didn’t believe him but as I was going by The Wellesley, sure enough I saw Liam and your Louis; all cuddled up and shit.” Harry blinks at his phone and prides himself for not smashing it on the floor at the news. Zayn takes the phone and resumes talking while Harry tries to wrap his head around everything.

 

“Aiden man, I’m going to have to deal with Harry. Thanks for calling.” Aiden says something unrecognizable as Zayn hangs up the call. Zayn has seen Harry likes this once before, it was after Harry found out a man was abusing his three-year-old daughter; Harry pretty much blacked out in rage.

 

“H.” Zayn says calmly. Harry turns to him and blinks.

 

“He’s been here for at least a week.” Harry states. “This is why Niall has been so mad at Liam, and why Liam has been so sketchy—it’s because they both knew.” Zayn goes in and hugs Harry, pulling the man to his chest.

 

“They saw what Louis’ absence was doing to me; how fucking worried I’ve been. They saw and didn’t say anything. Liam has been with him and didn’t even hint at it. He and Louis have been gallivanting around the fucking city while I’ve been here…” He stops his rant and laughs in disbelief.

 

“Zee do me a favor and book us flights home please? I have someone I need to visit.” Zayn knows this is a bad idea but he’s an enabler. He would do anything for Harry, and vice versa; so he does what’s asked of him. Looks like Louis is about to see Harry sooner than expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have the first ten chapters written, but I'm losing motivation in this story, due to the fact I'm not in the Larry fandom heavily anymore. I'm thinking of just posting what I do have, or I might cancel the story and then post the whole thing once I'm done writing it. I'm sorry to stop and go, but I hate keeping my readers waiting. I've just lost so much motivation in writing this story. :(


	4. Can't Hide a Lie

Niall is quick to offer Harry Louis’ room number, claiming ‘somebody needs to kick their lying arses.’ So here Harry is now, standing in front of Louis’ room, while staring at the door—wondering if he should knock or what. Zayn is standing right behind him for added comfort, and just as Harry knocks he hears a familiar voice calling out.

 

“Li, did you order room service?” Harry clinches his fists, by his sides, as he wills himself to not flip out. The whole way here he tried to calm himself down, but it seems to have no effect now. He hears Liam’s muffled voice, and then the door opens—revealing a wide mouthed Louis, who’s completely shirtless.

 

Harry’s eyes trail down Louis’ stomach, stopping at the piercing briefly before trailing back up. He hates how much Louis can affect him like this. Liam comes into view, equally shocked, and he’s shirtless as well. Harry blinks and vaguely registers Zayn whispering for him to keep calm.

 

Louis’ eyes are swelling up at the sight of Harry. He knows what this looks like, and he knows things aren’t going to end well. He should’ve called Harry sooner, they were going to tell Harry everything and now it’s all gone and ruined. Harry looks dead, he looks blank, like a part of him has left the building and isn’t registering what he’s seeing. It’s a frightening sight to see—reminding Louis of when he first met Harry. Niall was right, old Harry is making a comeback and it’s all Louis’ fault.

 

“So it’s true?” Harry questions calmly. A part of him knows he should take this inside the room but he’s afraid that if he’s locked in close quarters he’ll turn into a wild animal.

 

“Harry…” Louis gasps and he feels like crying. His throat is tight and he wants to say a thousand things, and yet words seem to have escaped him completely.

 

“Saying my name doesn’t answer the fucking question now does it?” Louis’ mouth closes and he looks to the ground, Harry’s tone is harsh and cold.

 

“Relax Harry, and let’s talk about this. I get it that you're angry, but you don't talk to Louis that way.” Harry laughs his disbelief and turns wild eyes to Liam.

 

“You don’t fucking say my name.” Harry warns and then turns back to Louis, waiting for him to speak.

 

“Niall shouldn’t have told you I was here Harry; I was going to explain everything I promise.” Louis pleads and Harry laughs again, through a scoff.

 

“It wasn’t even Niall who told me.” He counters and Louis’ lips open again. “It was Aiden. His cousin saw you, and Liam together, a week ago which leads me to wondering how long you’ve been back.” Louis looks down, terrified of answering.

 

“Almost three weeks.” Louis whispers, and refuses to look up as he admits this. Once he manages to do so, he's surprised when he doesn’t hear shouting. He drags his head up more and sees a hurt look cross Harry’s face before the man goes cold—eerily so. It sends shivers up Louis’ spine, and not in the good way.

 

“Three weeks?” Harry’s mind is going a mile a minute right now and if it wasn’t for Zayn holding him up, he’s sure he would have collapsed.

 

“Please let me explain.” Louis rushes out, desperate. “When I came back to London I knew that I had to focus on me. The way I love you is unhealthy because it consumes me completely. I would kill for you Harry, die for you. That’s not okay, it’s not okay because I would do those things for you without caring how I felt. I placed all of my love into your hands because I didn’t love myself. I needed to learn how to be happy, and love myself before I could be with you again.”

 

Harry tilts his head to the side and evaluates Louis.

 

“So instead of telling me this, you called Liam and decided you needed him. If you wanted space, you could’ve told me. If you wanted to focus on yourself, I would have understood, but this? This I can’t wrap my mind around, at all.” Harry gestures to Louis, and Liam, while shaking his head and lowering his voice. “I waited for you, and this whole time you’ve been right under my nose. You've kept me waiting in the dark for two months, and for what? All you had to do was send a text, that's all. A fucking letter even. Or you could have told Liam to tell me what you're now telling me, but three weeks? That's shit.”

 

“I know Harry, I know and I’m such a shit person.” Louis walks closer with tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for being stupid and not telling you I was back. I thought I was doing the right thing.” Harry looks to Liam.

 

“Then why call him? If you needed space, then why call him?” Louis doesn’t respond immediately. “It’s because Liam is the only one who can talk you into leaving me, innit? You wanted to be around someone who could remind you what’s it’s like to have me destroy their life, and still love them.” Louis’ heart feels like it’s beating out of his chest. He hurts so much. At the forefront, those thoughts weren't even in his head, but now that Harry points it out; maybe it is the reason he called Liam. Maybe a part of him wants to be talked out of loving Harry. 

 

“I…Harry. That’s not it.” Louis tries, even though he’s not sure that’s the truth. Is that why he called Liam? Deep down?

 

“Save it.” Zayn speaks and all eyes are on him. “Harry may be a lot of things but at least he’s not a liar. He gave a part of himself to you and you just threw it on the floor. You don’t deserve him, neither of you two do. So we’re done here.” Zayn pulls on Harry’s arm and the man goes willingly.

 

“You don’t speak for him Zayn.” Louis yelps, and he trails behind the two men. “Look Harry, I’m sorry. Hurting you was never my intention.” Harry whips around looks at Louis with emerald eyes, laced with hurt and anger.

 

“Hurt me? You could never hurt me.” Harry sing songs. “I’m Harry fucking Styles. I kill people for fun. I ruin lives for sport. I convince people to do things they normally wouldn’t, just for kicks. Did you think I was just sitting around waiting for you? Did you think I stayed up at night hoping you would walk through the doors? Did you think I was gutted, and destroyed, at the thought of you giving up hope on me, of leaving me?” Harry scoffs. Louis feels sick. He never realized how much his ignoring Harry hurt the man; but this is something Liam warned him about. The fact that ignoring the other person can have this effect on the other, is unhealthy. This is why Louis wanted to wean himself off of Harry. 

 

“Don’t make me laugh. As if you could possibly hurt me.” Tears stream down Louis’ face as he looks at the redness building in Harry’s eyes. The man just wanted to know Louis still cared. Louis thought he was getting better for Harry, so he could love Harry, and be healthy for Harry, and himself; all the while Harry was just waiting to know Louis still wanted him. Louis feels like shit.

 

“Just don’t leave Harry. Come in and we can talk about this. I’m sorry, I thought I was doing the right thing by getting myself better for you.” Harry shakes his head and backs away, and further into Zayn’s hold.

 

“In case you haven’t realized this, we’re done.” Harry states firmly. “I don’t want to see the two of you ever again. You’re both dead to me.” Harry doesn’t wait around, he simply leaves. Louis calls his name and chases him down the hallway; grabbing onto this elbow. Harry shakes him off and keeps walking, leaving Louis a crying mess in the middle of the hall. Liam has to help him stand and take him to his room since people are opening their doors to stare. Louis doesn’t care, he just wants his Harry back.

 

He spends the next two days in bed, refusing to eat more than a few bites. He has to get Harry back, if it’s the last thing he does. He has to fix his mistake.

 

∞

 

Zayn is holding the punching bag as Harry wails on it. Harry shuffles from his left foot to his right foot, and then back to his left. He’s only wearing a small pair of pants, and knows he’s sweating from head to toe. His fists are wrapped up, and his arms are placed in front of his chest, as he extends his hands to punch on the punching bag.

 

He has so much anger he doesn’t know what to do with it. It’s been two days, two long days, since he’s broken up with Louis and now he’s just filled with misplaced rage. He’s not even angry that Louis wanted space to get himself together—he understands and respects that. He’s angry because, while he was missing Louis it seems like Louis was doing just fine. That’s what hurts. It pains him to know that Louis and Liam were off together, for over three weeks, lying to him, while he was worrying. It’s disrespectful.

 

“Zee hold the bag still.” Harry pants as he punches harder and more swiftly. Zayn rolls his eyes but places his feet firmer on the ground anyways.

 

“How about you stand there holding this thing while I go ape shit on it, and then we’ll see how strong you hold up.” Harry smirks and punches harder, with his right hand, before slowing his thrusts down to a complete stop.

 

“We should go to the zoo.” Zayn pauses and raises a brow at Harry's random statement.

 

“I think you’re dehydrated and slightly delirious.” Zayn comments. “When was the last time you’ve even liked animals.” Harry opens his mouth and then closes it; pout firmly on his lips.

 

“I’ve expressed interest in animals.” Harry defends. “Remember that one cat we had?” Zayn laughs and raises a brow, again.

 

“You mean ‘fluffy?’ Also known as the cat that ran away after you put it in the dryer.” Harry scoffs his disapproval, and folds his arms.

 

“It’s not like I go around hurting animals Zee.” Harry protests. “I just wanted to see what would happen, it was perfectly fine afterwards. Besides, I was like nine.” Zayn just laughs and shakes his head. He knows Harry’s looking for a distraction, he just had no idea the man was desperate enough to go looking at the zoo.

 

“Fine, you want the zoo I’ll give you the zoo.” Harry smiles happily, content in knowing that he’s gotten his way. There’s only so much punching a man can do, and he can’t go to the fighting ring without thinking about Louis. He needs a different setting.

 

“Good.” Harry is about to say something else when his mobile rings. He goes to the counter to pick it up when he sees who’s calling. He hits the ignore button, only to have Louis calling again. The name burns like acid, and he has to resist the urge to throw his mobile against the wall.

 

“Please deal with him.” Harry throws the phone into Zayn’s hands. “I’m going to shower.” He doesn’t wait for a response, just leaves. Zayn stays and answers the phone, already irritated.

 

“Thank god you answered.” Zayn doesn’t speak. “Harry?” Zayn rolls his eyes.

 

“It’s Zayn. Harry wants you to stop calling.” Zayn goes to hang up when Louis stops him.

 

“Let me talk to him, even if he tells me to ‘fuck off’ I just want to hear his voice.” Louis sounds desperate. “I don’t want him to end things, please Zayn. Can you ask him to go to lunch with me please?” Anger fills the man.

 

“Please? God Louis, you just don’t even understand how livid I am right now. Harry is my best mate and I will always look after him, and choose him, even if he’s in the wrong. What you did hurt his feelings, whether he wants to admit it or not, it did. His feelings are hurt and I’m going to be the one to make sure he’s okay and gets through this—without you.” Zayn hangs up and turns off the man’s mobile.

 

“What did he want?” Harry calls out from the shower. Zayn sighs.

 

“Nothing important, meet for lunch.” He says half way honest. Harry rolls his eyes from under the water.

 

“Fuck him.” He grumbles and continues to wash his hair, hoping if he scrubs hard enough the pain will eventually fade away.

 

∞

 

“He hates me Liam.” Louis groans from the bed.

 

“What did you expect?” Niall comments from behind his spaghetti. Liam begged Niall to come over and help Louis get his shit together. Niall only came after hearing there’s a 24/7 food service.

 

“Be helpful Niall.” Liam warns and Niall scoffs behind an eye roll.

 

“He left while Harry was in the hospital, didn’t say anything to him for almost two months, and then Harry finds out he’s been here for like three weeks—with you no less. How the fuck did you two think this was going to play out?” Niall keeps eating and Liam gives Louis a sympathetic expression.

 

“Well, you could always leave. Go somewhere, start over fresh, forget about all of this.” Louis frowns and grumps into his pillow. Liam's words are of no help.

 

“I’m not running away from Harry.” Louis determines. “I want this, all of this. I just needed time to sort me out first.” Louis tells Liam.

 

“Yeah Li. He’s not you. He doesn’t hate his choices.” Niall laces Liam with a look and gets a middle finger back in response.

 

“I don’t hate all my choices.” Liam grumbles.

 

“Yeah, just the ones involving Harry.” Liam laughs and goes to sit on the edge of the bed.

 

“You can’t tell me that you don’t have regrets involving him either.” Liam levels Niall with a look.

 

“I think everyone regrets meeting Harry, a little bit; but over all I’m happier now than ever.” Liam sighs and rests on his hands.

 

“If I never met Harry me mum and I would never be as close as we are now.” Louis whispers out.

 

“Yeah but Stan would be alive, and your dad.” Liam adds.

 

“My father was cheating on me mum the entire time, and he was willing to pimp out his children to cover his own arse for doing shady deals with the company.” Louis reminds him.

 

“But are you happier knowing this all?” Louis mulls over the question.

 

“I’d rather be unhappy with the truth, than to be blissfully ignorant. I’m tired of living my life with rose colored glasses on.” Niall stops eating and perks up.

 

“Then you have to fight for Harry. It’s the only thing that makes sense. You called and he didn’t pick up. Well so what? Stalk his tall arse and make him talk to you. You owe it to both of you.” Louis nods and thinks he’ll do just that. He has nothing to lose, because he’s already lost it.

 

"Just...whenever you talk to him, remember that you don't control his actions, and vice versa. You made a decision for yourself, and Harry got his feelings hurt as a result. That doesn't mean he can disrespect you, nor do it mean he gets to be nasty just because he's hurt. You don't have to take that from him; you're stronger, and better, than that." Louis nods, and thanks his friend; he'll take the advice to heart. 

 

∞

 

Okay so Louis is smart enough to know a bad decision when he sees one. He also knows that he can’t drive worth a shit, and should _not_ be behind the wheel, but here he is. It’s completely spare of the moment. One minute he’s thinking of ways to get Harry back, tired of the man ignoring him, and the next thing he knows he’s getting word from Niall, who said he would stall, that Harry’s going to the zoo. Now here he is behind the wheel of his car, not knowing what to do.

 

Panic. That’s the first thing that comes to his mind. He doesn’t panic, however, instead he puts the car in drive and pulls off into the street. He’s seen others drive enough to know he has to stay in his lane and he knows which pedal is for gas, and break. He turns his hazards on, letting people know he’s going to be driving like his nan, and then leans forward as he white knuckles all the way to the zoo.

 

His GPS is seriously saving his life right now otherwise he would have ended up turned over, or in a wreck. It takes him over an hour but he finally arrives to the zoo, glad he missed the rain. He gets out and practically kisses the ground, his legs weak and numb. Granted he should’ve taken a car but he didn’t want to wait. He’s tired of waiting.

 

He checks his phone and sees it’s a message from Niall.

 

**Niall:** _Told Harry and Zee to wait for me. Hurry up, they keep txt me._

Louis sighs and closes his eyes. Not surprised that Zayn is here also, but kind of hoping that he wouldn’t be. It’s harder to reach Harry with demon Zayn whispering ‘anti Louis’ tunes in his ear.

 

He does manage to walk up to the front entrance when he sees the back of Harry’s head. Almost as if Harry sensed Louis, the man whips around and turns accusatory eyes to him. The closer Louis walks, the more Harry’s face turns from anger to disbelief.

 

“Let me guess, Niall?” Louis nods weakly and tries to stop his hands from shaking. He’s a nervous fucking wreck.

 

“Please don’t walk away from me? You can hate me all you want but just let me explain, please?” Harry’s lip twitches and the man fights the urge to run away. He’s never ran away from his problems before and he’s not going to start now. He refuses to give any more control to Louis.

 

“Explain.” Zayn squares his shoulders like he’s preparing to fight and Louis squirms. He turns his attention back to Harry.

 

“Okay, I can do this.” He tries to encourage himself with false hope. “I’ve never been in a relationship before so I didn’t know what was, and wasn’t healthy. It took me realizing that I had put my happiness in your hands, to understand that what was going on wasn’t healthy.” Harry just blinks, so Louis continues.

 

“Like, I can’t put my happiness in you Harry. That’s not healthy. I have to live for me before I can be with you. I had to prove to myself that I knew who I was, and am okay with being alone. I needed to be alone because I’ve never been alone. I was afraid of being alone and as a result, being with you wasn’t healthy for me.” Louis can hear Harry scoff and he gets nervous.

 

“It’s not your fault, but I put my worth in your hands Harry. I was seeking validation from you, and that’s not a way to start a relationship. It’s not a good foundation for a healthy relationship, and I realize that now. I needed to be alone so I could prove to myself that I am independent, and that I am also capable of loving you, and being deserving of being loved. I should love you, but not depend on you for acceptance of myself. I’ve finally found my calling now. I needed to do that alone and I have. Please understand Harry. Please, I love you. I realize now that I should have explained better, but I was afraid that if I made contact with you I would've ran back to you in a heartbeat, without getting myself together first.” Harry listens intently and sees how vulnerable Louis looks.

 

Louis has just laid out his heart and feelings in a very well explained manner. It makes sense, all of it. Doesn’t stop Harry from wanting to be childish though.

 

“So what do you want Louis? I broke up with you.” Louis’ heart beat increases and he plays with the end of his shirt.

 

“I want for us to not be broken up anymore.” He says plainly. “I want us together, where we belong. Besides, you owe me a forgiveness.” Harry turns his head away.

 

“Just go home Louis.” Zayn speaks for a silent Harry.

 

“You don’t talk for Harry.” Louis blurts out. “Besides, I can’t go home because I drove and I’m afraid to do it again.” Harry whips his head to stare at Louis, face full of concern.

 

“Why the fuck would you drive?” Harry demands to know. “God, you can’t even drive. You don’t even have your license. You’re so stupid, you could’ve gotten hurt.” Harry shouts and onlookers start to look.

 

“Why are you shouting at me?” Louis yells in return.

 

“Because I care about your safety.” Harry admits. Louis looks from the ground to Harry.

 

“Does that mean you forgive me? You still care for me, then please forgive me.” Harry looks to Zayn and then back to Louis.

 

“I don’t know.” Harry says softer. “Would you still want to be together knowing Zayn and I have been having sex?” Harry’s not sure who’s more surprised by the lie, Zayn or Louis. Louis looks hurt, and Zayn merely gives Harry crazy eyes.

 

“You?” Louis trails off and Harry nods, trying to see how much Louis wants this—wants Harry. Harry can’t afford to be tossed aside again.

 

“Should have heard the way I made him scream.” Louis fights back tears while Zayn gives Harry a weird look.

 

“I do not scream.” Zayn protests indignantly. Harry gives Zayn a look that says ‘play along,’ while Zayn gives a look back that says ‘don’t make me a bitch then.’ Harry settles for sighing and turning back to Louis.

 

“Knowing about Zayn and I? Does that change your opinion?” Louis breaths through his mouth to keep calm. He should’ve known he would’ve lost Harry, but if this is his chance at saving them then he’ll take it. He gives a quick nod. Harry’s surprised.

 

“You’re willing to take me back?” Harry questions, obviously confused.

 

“If you’re willing to take me back, then I'm willing to try and forgive you for cheating. Maybe.” Harry steps closer to Louis and touches the man’s cheek. Louis leans into the touch and Harry’s eyes flutter closed. He misses touching the soft skin.

 

“I lied about Zayn.” Zayn scoffs in the background and Louis peels apart, eyes wild.

 

“Why would you say that then? To hurt me?” _Yes._ Harry thinks, but doesn’t say.

 

“Not only that though, I also wanted to see how in you were with me. I can’t handle you playing hot and cold, having you leave again.” Louis nods because he understands, even though he strongly disagrees with Harry’s method.

 

"This is what Liam warned about." Louis whispers. "Harry, if we give us a go again you can't say things to hurt me, even if I unintentionally hurt you. In a relationship you shouldn't  _want_ to hurt your partner." Louis explains and Harry feels chastised. "What you just said about Zayn was wrong, and spiteful. It wasn't okay." 

 

"You're right." Harry goes to clear his throat. "It was wrong, and you're right. I was being childish and I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that. I might have gotten too close too Zayn, then I should have, but I never kissed him or had sex. It was all talk, but I wouldn't do that to you." Louis nods once, glad to hear the truth. 

 

“Harry, are you sure?” Harry looks to Zayn and then back to Louis. God, he really loves Louis.

 

“Yeah Zee, I think I am.” Zayn’s face hardens as he looks to Louis.

 

“If you hurt him again, you’ll deal with my wrath.” Harry doesn’t say anything about the threat because Zayn walks away and stalks off, probably towards the vehicle. If he’s leaving then he's going to be taking Harry's car. Harry realizes now that he and Louis are going to have to make up anyways, because Harry's going to have to drive Louis' car, to get the two of them home.

 

“I think Zayn is leaving with my truck.” Harry laughs and Louis smiles.

 

“We can take mine.” Harry hums and wraps arms around Louis.

 

“So are we okay?” Louis asks as he melts into Harry’s arm. He peers up and blue eyes shine into green ones.

 

“I don’t know.” Harry responds softly. “Do you still have my initials on your arse?” Louis giggles as he nods.

 

“Yes.” Harry nods, liking the answer. He’s so horny.

 

“And has anyone else seen my boy naked? Has anyone touched you?” Louis shakes his head no and feels his cock stirring.

 

“Good.” Harry whispers. “Do you still like fucking outside?” Louis nods again and Harry’s breathing quickens. “You want to go in and find a closed exhibit?” Louis nods again, and blushes when Harry grabs his hand.

 

They walk up to the ticket booth, pay, and then enter the zoo. They stop off to get a brochure and notice ‘Gorilla Kingdom’ has a closed exhibit. Louis smirks as they head towards the area of the park. Louis talks about his upcoming audition and his getting the part in Michael’s first ever film. Harry congratulates him, and tells him how amazing he’ll be.

 

They keep making small talk, falling into a familiar routine, as they reach a cave like exhibit that has caution tape surrounding what appears to be an entrance. There’s no one around and Harry leads Louis to the sectioned off area. They walk under the caution tape and enter into a dark room surrounded by glass and emptiness. The Gorilla’s must be either being moved, or will be coming to this area of the park later on—it’s completely empty.

 

Harry rounds on Louis and attacks the boys’ lips like he’s starving. Louis parts his lips and swirls his tongue teasingly against Harry’s as he’s being pressed up against the fake cave wall. He groans when Harry’s fingers press into his sides, slowly trailing their way up to his belly ring. Harry peels away and blinks, looking down at his fingers.

 

“I love touching this.” He whispers as he moves the dangling belly piercing. Louis giggles and then leans up so he can connect their lips again. He misses kissing Harry, misses the man’s rough, yet soft, lips. Harry nibbles on his bottom lip before pulling away, almost like it pains him. Louis hums and rolls his hips when a mouth starts biting down on his neck.

 

“Just like that.” He purrs and receives wandering hands trailing under his jeans, and pants, and down to grab his bare arse. Harry uses Louis’ bum to push them closer together, so their clothed cocks can grind together—both growing harder.

 

“Touch me, Hazza.” Harry nods and stops sucking on Louis’ neck to pull the boys’ jeans and pants down. Louis’ cock flops out and slaps his stomach, then thigh. He’s so hard and Harry’s missed him so much. Harry gets down on his knees and peers up at a flushed Louis. He smirks as he trails his fingers up Louis’ shaking thighs. He presses his face between Louis’ legs and allows pre-cum to trail his lips.

 

Louis puffs out his approval and grabs onto Harry’s shoulders as the man licks his tip. It feels so good, and Louis digs his nails deeper into Harry’s shoulder as his hips thrust; guiding his prick further into Harry’s mouth. Harry hums around the base and continues to swallow Louis all the way down. He tightens his lips and uses his tongue to trace all the veins, before he pulls off.

 

Louis whines at the lost, and tries to touch himself when his hands are slapped away. Harry is panting with sexual frustration and if he doesn’t get inside of Louis soon he’ll go crazy. He strips his jeans, and pants off as well, and turns Louis around, so the boy is facing the wall. Louis grips the wall and allows his thighs to be spread apart.

 

“Fuck, we have no lube.” Harry whines his disapproval. Louis bangs his head against the wall.

 

“Try spit. If it hurts, I’ll let you know.” Harry nods and guides his fingers to Louis’ mouth. Louis moves his mouth away.

 

“No offense but your fingers are probably not clean.” Harry nips at Louis’ neck for ruining a hot moment but settles for spitting on his own fingers instead. He inserts one and Louis hums as he moans. He leans his head against the wall and tries to grab onto something as Harry adds another finger. It’s slow and painful, torture.

 

“Just do it.” Louis complains and Harry laughs at the demand, but still does as he’s told anyways. Harry gets the tip in before Louis’ banging on the wall and protesting.

 

“Stop, stop. Harry!” Louis yells and Harry stills instantly, quickly pulling out his cock. He rubs Louis’ tummy and looks at the boy with concern.

 

“Baby.” He says soothingly.

 

“It’s a no go for no lube. Never again.” Louis’ shaking his head and Harry feels bad for hurting him. “Fuck my thighs.” Harry nods, definitely on board with the plan.

 

Louis squeezes his thighs tightly together and Harry sticks the head between them, biting his lip as he does so. He grabs Louis’ hips and thrusts slowly, loving the feeling.

 

“Are you okay?” Harry questions through a pant.

 

“Yeah, it’s going to be raw in the morning but your cock feels so good right now.” Harry nods and keeps thrusting, having to squeeze his eyes shut when Louis rubs their pricks together; smearing pre-cum as he goes along.

 

“I’ll rub you down later I promise.” Louis says okay and keeps rubbing them off. They both gain speed when they get close to orgasms.

 

“Let’s come together.” Louis demands and Harry says he’ll try. He feels the familiar tingle in his thighs and his balls start to clench.

 

“Fuck, I’m going to come.” Harry warns and Louis speeds up before both of their hips stutter and then they’re coming; all over Louis’ hand and the wall. They pant as they pull away, and begin to put their clothes back on. Harry pulls Louis into another chaste kiss before smiling as he pulls apart.

 

“God I’ve missed your body.” Harry admits.

 

“I’ve missed yours too, and you.” Harry smiles and goes in for another kiss. “So you really didn’t sleep with anyone, while I was gone?”

 

“Not at all, couldn’t even get hard for them if I wanted to; which I didn’t.” Louis feels relieved to hear this.

 

“So are we okay?” Louis asks hesitantly.

 

“I know we’ll be okay eventually, yes.” Harry answers after mulling over the question. They still have a lot they need to work on first.

 

“I just want to say sorry again for not telling you I was here.” Louis whispers as he cuddles up to Harry.

 

“I’m sorry for lying about Zayn to hurt you.” Harry says back.

 

“Well I’m sorry about leaving you in the hospital right after you risked your life for Stan.” Harry leans against Louis’ forehead.

 

“I’m sorry I had your father killed.” Louis laughs and nods against Harry’s head. They pull away and simply stare at each other, not knowing how they’ve managed to be a part for so long.

 

“We really are a fucked up couple aren’t we?” Harry laughs at the question and then grabs Louis’ hand tighter.

 

“But that’s one of the reasons why we work.” He states. “We aren't perfect, but we are perfect for each other and frankly, that’s all I care about.” Louis hums his approval. He laces his fingers with Harry’s and lets their hands swing together.

 

“I can’t believe I actually drove here.” Louis says in disbelief.

 

“My poor impatient baby. Almost got himself hurt.” Harry pouts and Louis smacks him in the chest, growling at the tease.

 

“You can teach me to drive sometime.” Harry agrees immediately and that’s when a burly man comes waddling with a night stick, yelling at them.

 

“You two get out of here.” They both laugh as they run away from the closed exhibit, near to tears when they hear the man ask ‘what’s with this white stuff?’ They don’t stop running until they know they are in the clear.

 

Louis stops suddenly, mildly out of breath, and looks to Harry.

 

“I love you Harry Edward Styles.” Harry grabs Louis by the waist.

 

“That’s convenient, given I love you Louis William Tomlinson.” Louis blinks and ducks his head.

 

“Always? Even when we hate each other and fight?” Harry blinks back and hardens his face so he looks as serious as he feels.

 

“Yes of course, always.” That’s enough for Louis. It’s a promise he knows Harry won’t go back on.


End file.
